Reinforcement – Your Love Matters

"Properly used, positive reinforcement is extremely powerful."

F. Skinner

IS REINFORCEMENT BRIBERY?

How will your loved ones learn to change themselves if they do it for a reward? 

Positive reinforcement, when practiced consistently, helps your loved one's internal motivation. Why? Because with practice, they will experience the benefits of the new behavior over time, and it will become rewarding in and of itself. Meanwhile, your reinforcement boosts their willingness to engage in new behaviors in the first place so they can start experiencing the intrinsic benefits of positive change. 

HOW WILL REINFORCING CHANGE ANYTHING? 

The value in reinforcing positive behavior by rewarding it is that it can start to compete with the reinforcing effects of opioid use. In essence, your loved one can learn to feel good and other ways rather than using substances. They can feel proud of themselves, acknowledged, and recognized for their efforts-all, the feel-good things that contribute to healthy self-esteem and the ability to cope with life. 

WHAT MIGHT BE HAPPENING INSTEAD 

Contrary to what you might have heard, confrontation and punishment are not the most helpful strategies to use when trying to encourage change; period, they are likely to push things in the exact opposite direction as your loved one acts to defend their position. Detaching is not the answer either because it leaves you with no way to positively influence your loved one. It may also be that your loved one's unhealthy behavior gets most of your attention, even when they are not using- because you're still fuming after the last time or worried about the next. When a family is caught in a cycle of confrontation and punishment, negative attention may be the only kind of attention your loved one receives. 

While your negative feelings are understandable, they can prevent you from noticing the good things that also happen (when they are sober and helping the family, sober and having dinner with the family, and so on). It may seem to your loved one that they can't do anything right (because you are upset all the time), so why bother? The key to your loved one making changes that stick will be your attention (a reward in and of itself) to the healthy, adaptive behaviors you see. Reward your loved ones when they are not using! In other words, "catch them being good" (as rare as that may seem sometimes!).

Staying involved and rewarding steps towards healthy behavior is what will work to help motivate your loved one. 

Take a moment to think about meaningful rewards for your partner. Here are a few guidelines: 

• Rewards are in the eye of the beholder. A 2-hour massage might feel like winning the lottery, but for your family member, going skydiving or taking surfing lessons might hit closer to the mark. So spend some time thinking by yourself or talking to your loved one about what they find rewarding. You can also look around for what rewards they are already getting that you might want to tie to their behavior. 
• Find rewards that fit your loved one's needs in their current stage of dealing with substance use. For example, if they have been working at changing their substance use for some time and are committed to it, verbally acknowledging their efforts might feel like a lovely reward. However, if they do not even see their drug use as a problem, linking a "reward" of flowers or time together to them not drinking might make them feel infantilized. 
• Have the rewards follow closely the behavior they're meant to reward. Timing helps link the reward to the behavior, so plan rewards that you can deliver immediately or shortly after (not before) the behavior takes place. Please resist the temptation to give something now, hoping her behavior will change later. 
• Make sure the rewards are things you're willing and able to give. Make sure you're comfortable with the cost and other qualities of the rewards you choose. For example, a new motorcycle might be something they would really like, but if it's incompatible with your values and budget, think of something else. Some of the most effective rewards, like your attention, compliments, and affection, are free. 

Practiced consistently over time, positive reinforcement will enhance your loved one's motivation to change. Try to have patience and don't give up if their behavior doesn't change as fast as you'd like it to. Change takes time. If you're uncertain or think "this doesn't work for my loved one" or "they don't care about anything," review the guidelines: Is the reward rewarding to your loved one? How's your timing? And bear in mind that consistent behavior change is hard for everyone. Try to tolerate the process and remember that changing behavior patterns takes a willingness to resist engaging in them long enough to learn new ones. It's a lot of work, but the rewards can be priceless! 

Opioid addiction hurts families - take control now and define your life mission. 

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