Self-Compassion

Self-Compassion – True Independence

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Independence Day is a great time to reflect on what is important to our independence. Realign our values to our behaviors – modify our actions if needed. The first to-do for us should always be self-compassion.

While painful, being aware of shame can help you change the course of things for yourself and your loved one. So put, taking the time to experience the emotional part of being human, such as the sadness of losses and the regrets of damage done and opportunities missed, can lead you back to other people and positive connections. You can apologize if you need to. You can ask for help and support from others who care about you or have gone through similar life circumstances. Finally, you can move forward and unload some of this baggage.

Ultimately, these are all part of finding compassion for yourself. However, if you stay stuck to the shame, dwelling on your "badness" or your family's "sickness," you will likely be led away from other people and into hiding. 

And finding compassion for yourself? Easier said than done but crucially important. Self-compassion involves noticing your suffering, i.e., becoming aware of shame, sadness, stress, anger, etc., practicing self-kindness during painful experiences, and recognizing suffering as an aspect of life experienced by everyone. How will strengthening your self-compassion muscles benefit you?

First and foremost, it contributes to the "oxygen" you need, the "fuel in the tank" to manage difficult situations with your loved one. Modeling this way of relating to yourself (with kindness and care) will also help your loved one learn how to deal with the pains of life more gently and healthily (they have an inner critic within them too). 

But we want to be practical again. When left unattended, shame is corrosive, exhausting, and harmful to everyone, not just you. And as with many things Tiger Resilience describes in this course, it takes practice to shift away from this pull of shame. It requires that you practice treating yourself kindly during and after moments that do not go so well. It is inevitable that mistakes will be made and that you will stumble, maybe time and time again. Tripping may be beyond your control, but you can control how you respond to each fall, including responding to yourself in a kinder, gentler, and more respectful manner.

The truth is, however, that many people don't believe they are deserving or capable of self-kindness. Fortunately, this is a skill that can be fostered and strengthened through - PRACTICE! PRACTICE! PRACTICE! It is also one you cannot afford to ignore if you desire freedom, fulfillment, and success.   

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