Perfectionism: The Performance That Never Ends

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📚 Read Time: 6 Minutes 

We call it high standards. We call it discipline. We call it doing our best. 

But most of the time, perfectionism isn’t about excellence at all. It’s about fear. 

Fear of mistakes. 

Fear of judgment. 

Fear that if we’re not flawless, we’re not enough. 

It shows up quietly. In the late nights fixing something no one else will notice. In the hesitation to start because it might not be “just right.” In the way we replay moments, projects, workouts, thinking about every detail we could have done better. 

Perfectionism can feel like ambition, but it’s really a mask for insecurity. It’s performance, not for the love of the process, but for the safety of approval. And it keeps us stuck. It drains our energy. It dulls our creativity. It turns growth into a never-ending audition. 

This week, we’re pulling that mask off: 

• What perfectionism actually is and why it’s insecurity, not excellence  
• How it affects your brain, your body, and your performance  
• The latest stats on perfectionism’s toll on mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing  
• The Tiger Resilience Lens: Perfectionism vs Healthy Striving  
• Michael’s Training Corner: Why progress is seasonal, how periodization works, and why you can’t (and shouldn’t) be 100% all the time  
• Real-world spotlight: Dr. Thomas Curran, who’s weaving science and compassion into understanding perfectionism in young people today   
• A two-part journal exercise to quiet your inner critic and choose “good enough” when it counts  
• Final reflections on how letting go of perfect strengthens all five pillars of resilience  

Because perfect is a moving target. The real breakthrough starts when we let our true selves do the performing. 

🧭 What Is Perfect? 

I think we all know the answer to this, at least on paper. Perfect doesn’t exist. 

Not in life. Not in sport. Not in any measurable, scientific way. 

Even the things we call “perfect” are just moments that met our definition in that specific context, and if we ran the same moment back, the data would change. The time would be slower by a fraction. The form would shift slightly. The outcome would vary. 

Perfection is an illusion dressed up as a standard. One that moves every time you get close. 

Perfectionism takes that illusion and turns it into a rulebook. It says: 

If you’re flawless, you’re safe.  

If you perform well enough, you’ll be accepted.  

If you never make mistakes, you’ll never feel shame.  

On the surface, it can look like drive. In reality, it’s fear wearing a suit of armor. 

Perfectionism is about avoiding judgment, not about reaching your potential. 

Here’s how it usually shows up: 

• Unrealistic standards that push you to keep raising the bar, even when you’ve hit your goal.   
• All-or-nothing thinking where one small error feels like total failure.   
• Self-criticism that drowns out any acknowledgment of progress.   
• Delays and avoidance because if you can’t do it perfectly, you’d rather not do it at all.   
• Performing for approval instead of doing things for the love of the process.   

The most dangerous part? It rewrites your worth. Instead of “I am enough, therefore I do,” it becomes “I do perfectly, therefore I am enough.” 

And when your value hangs on flawless execution, you’re never allowed to exhale. 

Michael’s Perspective: The Enemy of Even Starting 

I’ve engaged in too much performative behavior around perfectionism in my life, and I have very little to show for it. 

That’s not self-pity. That’s truth. 

We all know the phrase “Perfect is the enemy of good.” It’s true, but it’s not the whole truth. 

For me, trying to be perfect has been the enemy of even starting. 

I’ve wasted more time than I care to admit waiting for the “right” moment, the perfect plan, perfect timing, perfect conditions. I told myself it was preparation. Really, it was fear dressed up as discipline. It felt safe to stay on the sidelines convincing myself I’d make my move when everything was in place. The problem is, everything is never in place. 

This year, I’ve stopped letting that be my default. Not perfectly. Not always. But enough to feel the difference. I’ve taken more leaps, in my personal life, in my work, and on the track, without needing the stars to align first. 

The truth is, perfectionism isn’t just for world champions, CEOs, or artists under the spotlight. It’s everywhere. It shows up in the office, in the gym, in your relationships. It whispers that your lack of “perfection” is why you haven’t reached the next level, when in reality it’s the very thing keeping you from trying. 

Last Thursday, I ran a mile race. My goal was to win and set a personal record. Push the boundaries of what I thought my body could do. 

Training? Good, not perfect. 

Diet? Good, not perfect. 

Mindset? Good, not perfect. 

Strategy? Good, not perfect. 

I didn’t win, but I set a 7-second PR. And I left the track satisfied, not because I settled, but because I executed with what I had in that moment. I’ll still come back stronger, faster, sharper. But the driver isn’t perfection. It’s progress, and the fulfillment that comes from pursuing it. 

What I’ve learned is that the path forward is never clean, never flawless, never exactly how you pictured it. But it’s the showing up anyway, in the rain, with less-than-ideal prep, with the lingering doubts, that actually moves you forward. 

Perfectionism was there when I was slower, weaker, and less consistent. It didn’t make me better. It made me hesitant. Letting go of it has been the most freeing shift I’ve made in years. 

I want to show that you can reject this nebulous, suffocating idea of perfection and still perform in ways that seem almost unreal. That you can run your best race when the setup isn’t perfect. That you can start before you feel ready. And that sometimes, not waiting for perfect is the only reason you get to the starting line at all. 

Perfect kept me from the proverbial start line for years. Letting it go finally got me to the real one.

Bernie's Perspective: The Day I Stopped Chasing Perfect 

Turns out, the perfect life is a myth—and chasing it nearly ran me into the ground. 

It was about 2:45 on a scorching Sunday afternoon in August, and I had just finished my 21st straight day of 12–15 hour shifts. I wish I could tell you I was on some heroic streak, fueled by purpose and passion—but truthfully, I was running on fumes and denial. 

That day became a turning point because I finally admitted something I’d been avoiding for years: this idea of being “perfect” was a myth. Worse, it was a myth I’d been living my life by. 

I used to think perfectionism was noble—that it meant going above and beyond, giving 200% to everything I touched, and achieving the “highest standard.” What I didn’t realize is that I wasn’t striving for excellence at all—I was chasing acceptance. And the measuring stick wasn’t other people—it was my own shaky self-esteem. 

For years, I believed that if I could make every detail flawless—my work, my image, my life—then I’d finally be “enough.” It was like I was trying to earn a ticket into the human race as a successful person. That ticket never came, but the costs sure did: my health, my peace of mind, and nearly my relationship with Val. 

I can see now that my perfectionism wasn’t about being the best—it was about control. I thought if I could control every variable, I could avoid pain, failure, or being “less than.” But here’s the hard truth: perfection is a moving target. You never hit it. And in the process, you miss out on the moments that actually matter. 

The breakthrough came when I realized I’d achieved some pretty amazing things—but I’d never once stopped to celebrate them. Why? Because I was too busy moving the finish line. That’s the cruel trick of perfectionism: it convinces you there’s always something else to fix, improve, or perfect before you can rest. 

These days, I’ve let go of the idea that life should be flawless. Right now, I’m at Lake Seneca with my wife, my son Michael, his fiancée Priyanka, and our two furry family members, Milo and Chloe. And you know what? It’s not perfect. The dogs are a handful, the packing wasn’t seamless, and the boat trip was a little chaotic. But it’s ours. It’s real. And that’s what makes it perfect in its own way. 

If you’re caught in the perfectionism trap, ask yourself: is it really about excellence, or is it about control, comparison, or self-worth? The truth is, perfection isn’t the point—connection, growth, and presence are. Let “good enough” be enough, and watch how life starts to feel more like living. 

“When you try to get a perfect family photo but Dad’s mid-step, the dogs are staging a jailbreak, Mom’s holding it together, and someone’s just happy to be holding a beverage. 10/10 chaos, 12/10 memories.”

🧠🩺 The Science of Perfectionism: Your Brain and Body on Perfect 

Perfectionism isn’t just a mindset, it’s a full-body experience. The pressure to get everything right doesn’t stay in your head. It rewires how your brain processes mistakes, how your nervous system handles stress, and how your body recovers. 

Here’s how it shows up: 

🧠 In the Brain 

• Error alarms in overdrive. Studies show perfectionists have a stronger error-related negativity, the brain’s electrical “oh no” signal, when they make mistakes. Even small slip-ups can feel like a threat worth obsessing over.   
• Threat scanning on loop. The anterior cingulate cortex (error detection) and the amygdala (fear response) become hyperactive under perfectionistic pressure. You’re not just focused, you’re bracing.   
• Reward system skewed. Normally, the brain’s reward circuits light up when we achieve something. For perfectionists, the reward is often just relief from avoiding failure. That means even success feels flat, and motivation starts to erode.   
• Rumination overload. A perfectionist brain struggles to shift gears after mistakes. Working memory gets hijacked by “what ifs” and “should haves,” leaving less room for creative thinking or clear decision-making.   

🩺 In the Body 

• Stress hormones spike. Higher perfectionism is linked to stronger cortisol surges during stress. Your body stays in a low-grade fight-or-flight state, even when the “threat” is a typo, a slower run, or a less-than-perfect meeting.   
• Chronic tension and fatigue. That pressure often lands physically, clenched jaw, tight shoulders, upset stomach. Over time, the body interprets these constant micro-stresses as wear and tear.   
• Immune system disruption. Research has tied perfectionism-related stress to higher levels of inflammatory markers like CRP and IL-6. Chronic inflammation means slower recovery from illness and training.   
• Burnout risk. The “never enough” mindset pushes people past healthy limits. It’s why perfectionism correlates with higher rates of insomnia, digestive problems, and long-term cardiovascular strain.   

Perfectionism teaches your brain and body to treat everyday life like a survival test. That’s why it feels so exhausting, carrying the physiological weight of constant vigilance. 

The good news? Loosening perfection’s grip has the opposite effect. The brain stops scanning for danger in every detail. The body shifts out of overdrive. Focus sharpens, creativity rebounds, and recovery actually works. 

📊Stats Worth Knowing: The Price of Perfectionism 

Perfectionism isn’t rare, and it isn’t harmless. The numbers paint a clear picture of just how deep it runs, and the damage it causes. 

• 85% of young people (ages 16–25) report perfectionist traits, and most say it negatively affects their health and well-being. In one recent study, 85.4% said their perfectionism was driven by academic pressure, and it came with significant mental and physical stress.   
• It’s rising fast. From 1989 to 2016, socially prescribed perfectionism, the belief that others expect you to be perfect, jumped by over 30% among college students. Today’s average levels would have ranked in the top third just one generation ago.   
• Linked to mental health crises. High perfectionism is consistently associated with higher rates of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and suicidal ideation. Psychologists call socially prescribed perfectionism a “core vulnerability” for multiple mental health disorders.   
• It undermines performance. More than half of perfectionists surveyed said it hindered their ability to achieve goals. The fear of mistakes led to procrastination, stalled projects, and lost opportunities.   
• Confidence eroded. Globally, 1 in 3 people say perfectionism makes them feel like a failure even when they succeed, because anything less than flawless is dismissed as “not enough.”   

The bottom line: perfectionism isn’t a personality quirk. It’s a public health issue. And its impact reaches far beyond the moments we notice, shaping careers, relationships, and self-worth in ways that quietly drain resilience.

🐅 Tiger Resilience Lens: Perfectionism vs Healthy Striving 

It’s easy to mistake perfectionism for ambition. Both aim high. Both push for better. But the difference is in the fuel, perfectionism runs on fear of not being enough, while healthy striving runs on the desire to grow. 

Here’s how they play out across the Four Human Domains: 

The shift from perfectionism to healthy striving is the shift from proving yourself to improving yourself. 

One isolates you. The other connects you, to your goals, to others, and to the process itself. 

🏋️ Michael’s Training Corner: Progress Needs Imperfection 

Part 1: The Power of Periodization 

If perfectionism had its way, training would be a straight line up. Every week faster, stronger, fitter. 

That’s not how the human body works. 

Real progress happens in cycles, push, adapt, recover, repeat. This is the foundation of periodization, and it’s why elite athletes don’t train at peak intensity year-round. 

There are different approaches: 

• Linear periodization: Gradually increasing intensity over weeks or months, then tapering before a key event. A runner might spend 8 weeks building aerobic base, 4 weeks sharpening speed, then 2 weeks tapering.   
• Undulating periodization: Alternating intensity and volume daily or weekly. A lifter might go heavy-low rep on Monday, moderate-medium rep Wednesday, and lighter-high rep Friday.   
• Block periodization: Focusing on one key attribute for a few weeks (power, endurance, strength) while maintaining others at lower volume.   

The common thread? Strategic imperfection. You intentionally build in phases where performance dips a little so you can push harder later. Trying to be “perfect” every week is the fastest way to stall or get hurt. 

Research shows periodized training outperforms doing the same intensity all the time, not because it’s “easier,” but because it gives your body the recovery and variation it needs to keep adapting. 

Part 2: Why “Always at 100%” Backfires 

Perfectionism in training often looks like never missing a workout, never scaling back, and feeling guilty on rest days. On paper, that sounds committed. In practice, it’s a recipe for plateau and burnout. 

Here’s why: 

• Your body grows in recovery, not in the grind. Stress without rest just breaks you down.   
• You can’t hold a peak forever. Race shape or max strength are temporary by design. After a peak, you need a rebuild phase.   
• Maintenance is easier than growth. Once you’ve built strength or fitness, it takes far less to maintain it, sometimes just one focused session per week for a muscle group. That means you can shift focus without losing everything.   
• Progress is a zig-zag, not a straight line. Just like the stock market, day-to-day results fluctuate. Zoom out and you’ll see the long-term upward trend.   

The athletes who last aren’t chasing a perfect streak, they’re committed to the process. They understand that backing off at the right times is just as important as pushing hard. 

So if you find yourself frustrated that you’re not at peak numbers every week, remember: that’s not failure. That’s the cycle doing its job. Perfection has no place here, only progression.

🌍 Real-World Spotlight: Dr. Thomas Curran on the Rise of Perfectionism 

Dr. Thomas Curran, author of The Perfection Trap, has spent years researching how our culture’s obsession with flawless performance is eroding mental health. His work shows that perfectionism isn’t just common, it’s growing fast. 

In a landmark study spanning nearly 30 years, Curran found that socially prescribed perfectionism, the sense that other people expect you to be perfect, has risen by more than 30% among young adults since the late 1980s. This shift has serious consequences: 

• It’s a moving target. No matter how much you achieve, the standard shifts. The climb never ends.   
• It’s tied to real health costs. High perfectionism is linked to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and burnout.   
• It’s cultural as much as personal. Perfectionism thrives in environments obsessed with metrics, social media likes, rankings, grades, where value is always on display.   
• The antidote is unconditional self-worth. Success should be measured by alignment with your values, not by flawless outcomes.   

As Curran puts it: 

“The problem with perfection is not that we fail to reach it, it’s that we waste our lives chasing it.” 

📖 The Perfection Trap on Amazon

📝 Journal Exercise: Trade Perfect for Present 

This week’s practice is about catching perfectionism in the act, and then choosing something better. 

Part 1: Reflect 

Set aside 10–15 minutes and answer these questions honestly: 

• Where does my perfectionism show up most right now? Work, training, relationships, appearance?   
• What story am I telling myself about being perfect? What do I think will happen if I fall short?   
• How does my inner critic speak to me? Write down the exact phrases you hear in your head when you make a mistake.   
• What has perfectionism cost me? Missed opportunities, delayed projects, moments of rest, or joy you skipped.   
• What would “good enough” look like in this area of my life? Define it in clear, realistic terms.   

Part 2: Act 

For the next seven days, experiment with progress over perfection: 

• This week, I will intentionally let go of perfection in: ________  
• Instead of aiming for perfect, I will aim for: ________  
• When my inner critic shows up, I will remind myself: “________”  
• I will limit or adjust ________ to protect my energy  
• Success for me this week will look like: ________  

Small, intentional choices like this retrain your brain to see value in the process, not just the flawless outcome. 

📘 Want a space to work through patterns like this every day? Our Awaken the Tiger and Phoenix Self-Esteem Journal is designed to help you build clarity, release the pressure to be perfect, and reconnect with what matters most. Get yours on Amazon. 

🔥 Final Thoughts: The Only Standards That Matter Are Yours 

Perfectionism promises safety, but it delivers exhaustion. It tells you that if you can just hit the mark every time, you’ll finally feel enough, but the mark always moves. 

Letting go of perfect isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about setting them where they serve you, not where they drain you. It’s about pursuing excellence with compassion instead of fear. 

Here’s how our Five Pillars help you step out of perfectionism’s grip: 

• Purpose: Keeps your goals anchored in what truly matters to you, not what impresses others. When your “why” is strong, you don’t need flawless execution to validate it.   
• Planning: Designs your path with reality in mind. It builds in rest, setbacks, and adjustments as part of the process instead of treating them as failures.   
• Practice: Reminds you that progress comes from repetition, not one perfect attempt. Every imperfect rep is part of the skill.   
• Perseverance: Helps you keep going when things aren’t textbook-perfect. It teaches you to stay in the game even when the plan changes.  
• Providence: Encourages you to release control over every detail and trust that doing your best is enough. It’s the antidote to the belief that your worth depends on never slipping up.   

Perfectionism will always whisper, “Do more. Be more. Prove more.” 

Resilience answers, “I am enough. I will keep going. I will grow.” 

Your life’s best work won’t be perfect. It will be yours. And that’s more than enough.

📚 References 

Alva, A., Aich, N., Bastoni, A., Budhraja, A., Cheong, E., Hunt, N., … & Volk, K. (2022, February 24). Striving to be the best: The prevalence of perfectionism in young people and the impact on their achievement and well-being. OxJournal (Oxford Scholastica Academy Psychology Internship Research). Retrieved from https://www.oxjournal.org/striving-to-be-the-best/ 

Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2019). Perfectionism is increasing over time: A meta‐analysis of birth cohort differences from 1989 to 2016. Psychological Bulletin, 145(4), 410–429. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000138 

Curran, T. (2023). The Perfection Trap: Embracing the Power of Good Enough. Scribner. 

Harries, S. K., Lubans, D. R., & Callister, R. (2015). Systematic review and meta-analysis of linear and undulating periodized resistance training programs on muscular strength. Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research, 29(4), 1113–1125. https://doi.org/10.1519/JSC.0000000000000712 

Meyer, A., & Wissemann, K. (2020). Controlling parenting and perfectionism is associated with an increased error-related negativity (ERN) in young adults. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 15(1), 87–95. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsaa018 

Molnar, D. S., Moore, J., O’Leary, D. D., MacNeil, A. J., & Wade, T. J. (2021). Perfectionistic cognitions, interleukin-6, and C-reactive protein: A test of the perfectionism diathesis–stress model. Brain, Behavior, & Immunity – Health, 13, 100211. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bbih.2021.100211 

Molnar, D. S., Reker, D. L., Culp, N. A., Sadava, S. W., & DeCourville, N. H. (2006). A mediated model of perfectionism, affect, and physical health. Journal of Research in Personality, 40(5), 482–500. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2005.04.004 

The Developmental Processes in Health and Well-Being Lab. (2022, July 26). Can perfectionism actually affect my health? Brock University. Retrieved from https://brocku.ca/dphwb/2022/07/26/can-perfectionism-actually-affect-my-health/ 

Wirtz, P. H., Elsenbruch, S., Emini, L., Rüdisüli, K., Groessbauer, S., & Ehlert, U. (2007). Perfectionism and the cortisol response to psychosocial stress in men. Psychosomatic Medicine, 69(3), 249–255. https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0b013e318042589e