Connection: The Thread That Holds Us Together

Welcome to Our Latest Newsletter! 

📚 Read Time: 8 Minutes 

We live in a world more connected than ever, and somehow, more isolated too. Our days are full of notifications, messages, meetings, and yet, it’s never been easier to go weeks without a real conversation. Without feeling seen. 

We often treat relationships like background noise to the “real work”, as if connection is a bonus, not a basic need. But when life gets heavy, when stress hits, when joy arrives, who we share it with matters more than anything else. 

This week, we’re unpacking the role connection plays in a resilient life. 

What we’re breaking down: 

• What connection really is, and what it’s not  
• The brain and body science behind belonging  
• Why loneliness is a growing health crisis  
• A Tiger Resilience Lens on connection vs. autonomy  
• Michael’s breakdown of social training and the mind-muscle link  
• A spotlight on U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy  
• A journal reflection to help you reconnect, with others and yourself  

Because connection isn’t about being constantly social. 

It’s about being truly seen. 

And making the space to see others, too. 

What Is Connection? 

A connection isn’t just being in the same room or in someone’s contacts list. It’s deeper: 

We define connection as: 

• Genuine emotional bonding: A sense of being seen, heard, and valued by another person (or a group). It’s the warmth that comes from shared understanding or experience.   
• Mutual support and trust: Knowing someone has your back and you have theirs. It’s built over time through empathy, reliability, and care.   
• Belonging to something larger: Feeling part of a community or team, united by common interests, goals, or values. It gives meaning and identity beyond oneself.   

Connection is not: 

• ❌ Collecting contacts or followers. A thousand social media “friends” or a busy social calendar can still leave you feeling lonely. Superficial interaction ≠ true intimacy.   
• ❌ Constant people-pleasing or codependency. Healthy connection doesn’t mean losing yourself or relying on others for all validation. It’s a two-way street, not a one-sided neediness.   
• ❌ Never being alone. Solitude can be healthy. In fact, being comfortable alone often enhances the quality of our relationships. Connection is about quality, not just proximity.   

At its core, connection is the experience of saying and hearing “I am not alone”. It’s the comfort in knowing and feeling that we’re in this life together, whether with one person who understands us or a community that welcomes us. It’s a fundamental human need and one of the greatest sources of strength we have. 

Michael’s Perspective: The Longevity Hack We Overlook 

Last week, I talked about removing alcohol from my life, not because I hit a bottom, but because I realized it was quietly stealing more than it was giving. But I also mentioned this: alcohol has one thing going for it. It creates connection. Not the healthiest kind, maybe, but it pulls people together. There’s a reason most of us meet up “for a drink,” not “for a root vegetable.” 

And that stuck with me as I was writing this week. 

Because if connection is that essential, then the real question becomes, how do we create it in ways that don’t sabotage us? 

For me, it’s sport. Not because I’m chasing some elite standard or want to be the hardest guy in the room. Actually, the opposite. 

I run and I train because it strips everything away. The version of me gasping on mile ten or grinding out a workout isn’t performing. It’s raw. It’s honest. There’s no ego left when your legs are shaking and your lungs are on fire. 

And that’s where the real connection happens. 

Not in shared interests. In shared struggle. 

There’s something sacred about putting yourself in a space where people see you at your limit, and still stand beside you. That’s where some of the closest relationships in my life have come from. Teammates. Training partners. People I’ve never sat down and had a “deep talk” with, but who I’d trust more than most because we’ve been through something together. 

That’s the opposite of what we’re seeing a lot of online right now: people cosplaying connection, performing intensity, pretending like their Navy SEALs, acting like it’s hardcore to hit the gym for 45 minutes a day. But you can’t fake shared hardship. You can’t fake presence. You either show up or you don’t. 

And the more we prioritize that kind of honest effort, the more we drop the façade, and actually connect. 

It’s ironic. In our romantic relationships or families, we try to bring our full selves. We work on vulnerability. We talk about it in therapy. But with friends? Or our wider community? We often stop at the surface. 

That’s the part I want to change. 

And it connects to something else I’ve been reading about lately, the Blue Zones. These are the regions around the world where people live the longest: Okinawa (Japan), Sardinia (Italy), Nicoya (Costa Rica), Ikaria (Greece), and Loma Linda (California). The research always mentions plant-based diets and daily movement, sure. But the thing that stands out most to me? Community. 

In every single one of those places, people belong somewhere. They eat together. Move together. Show up for each other. They’re not isolating behind screens or trying to hack life with supplements. They just stay close. 

That’s the part I’ve been missing. 

And if I had to name the real “longevity hack,” I don’t think it’s found in any gym or meal plan. 

It’s in your people. 

Who are you showing up with? Who do you let see the version of you that’s not polished, not curated, not perfect? 

That’s the connection that lasts. That’s the connection that keeps us alive, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

True connection doesn’t happen through performance, it happens in the moments we stop pretending. Shared struggle strips away the mask. This is where we’re seen. This is where we connect.

Bernie’s Perspective: A Reflection on Friendship, Regret, and the Purpose of Connection

It was a warm August afternoon, one of those golden late-summer days where everything feels suspended in time. My friend Jeff and I had just left the lake after spending time with friends when I caught something unusual in the sky—two tiny black dots, falling fast. 

At first, I thought they were specks of dust or maybe even a strange meteorite. But as they came closer into view, I saw parachutes opening. Skydivers. I turned to Jeff and said, “We have to find out where that is—and we have to do it.” 

That was Jeff and me. Brothers in adventure. From skiing to hiking to chasing adrenaline—we shared that bond. It wasn’t long before we added skydiving to our growing list of thrills. 

Jeff was a beautiful part of my younger years. He married Judy, who worked with my soon-to-be wife, Valerie. The four of us quickly became close, part of a tight circle that shared not just laughter, but life. Jeff and Judy stood beside us on our wedding day. We shared weekends, road trips, late nights, and a sense that we’d be young forever. 

But like many of life’s chapters, that season eventually turned. 

When Valerie and I moved to New England in 1995 with our two-year-old son Michael, we said tearful goodbyes and made sincere promises to stay in touch. We all meant them. And yet… life happened. Distance grew. Parenthood, careers, and time zones pulled us apart. The calls became occasional. Then rare. Then absent. 

Still, every now and then I’d see an old photo—Jeff and me, mid-jump, mid-laugh—and I’d think, I should reach out. But I didn’t. 

Last week, I received a message from a mutual friend. Someone I hadn’t heard from in years. She told me that Jeff passed away in May. 

At first, I thought it was a mistake. It had to be. Jeff had always been healthy—big, full of life, just like me. But when I looked him up, it was real. And in an instant, I saw the truth: a man who was once like a mirror to my own journey… was gone. 

I thought about how we age, how we drift, how we assume we’ll always have tomorrow. 

And I realized that this—this—is why connection matters. 

Not in theory. Not someday. But now. 

At Tiger Resilience, we teach the Five Pillars of Resilience: Purpose, Planning, Practice, Perseverance, and Providence. We frequently discuss the Four Domains of the human condition: Body, Mind, Heart, and Spirit.

But these aren’t abstract concepts. They’re the framework for something very real: a life that matters. 

And the truth is, we cannot live a full life alone. 

Relationships are the foundation of our emotional well-being, our sense of identity, our memories, and our legacy. We often chase goals, health, and healing in isolation—forgetting that true wellness is a shared experience. When we lose that connection, we lose part of ourselves. 

Jeff reminded me of that. Or rather, his absence did. 

Stephen Covey once said: 

“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” 

We fill our calendars with meetings, tasks, errands. But where is the block of time that says, “Call a friend”? “Reconnect with someone who mattered”? “Make space to laugh again”? 

If I could go back, I’d put Jeff’s name on that calendar more than once. 

But I can’t. And that’s the truth that hurts. 

What I can do—and what you can too—is use the loss as a lesson. Not a moment of guilt, but a call to presence. 

So I’ll ask you: 

Who’s someone you haven’t reached out to… but still think about? 

What keeps you from sending that message or making that call? 

If they were gone tomorrow, would you regret staying silent today? 

Let me say this plainly: It’s not too late. 

Whether you’re 28 or 68, there’s still time to rekindle what once mattered. To build something new with someone old. To choose connection—on purpose. 

Because the people in our lives will one day be the ones looking down at us, gathered at our final goodbye. It won’t be our achievements, possessions, or digital presence that define us—it’ll be the faces that show up. 

Final Reflection 

This week, make one connection. Just one. 

Call a friend. Reach out to someone who shaped you. Laugh again. Cry if you must. But don’t let time keep stealing the chance to feel human. 

Because in the end, we are not the things we own.
We are the people we loved—and the ones who loved us back. 

Three snapshots. One lifelong bond.
From skydiving suits and wedding tuxes to years later under the summer sun — these photos tell the story of my dear friend Jeff. A thrill-seeker, a brother in adventure, and a cherished part of my youth. We shared wild dreams, big laughs, and a friendship that still lives in memory.

This post is a reminder: life moves fast, but the people who shaped us deserve more than a passing thought. Reach out. Reconnect. Tell them they mattered—because they still do.

🧠 + 🩺 The Science of Connection 

🧠 The Brain: Wired for Belonging 

• The brain is a social organ. Our social engagement system, rooted in the vagus nerve, regulates how we connect through eye contact, facial expression, and tone of voice.   
• Mirror neurons allow us to emotionally resonate with others, we feel what they feel. This helps us build empathy, trust, and emotional alignment.   
• The hormone oxytocin, released through touch, eye contact, and connection, lowers anxiety and deepens feelings of closeness. It’s part of what makes bonding feel safe.   
• Co-regulation means our nervous systems sync in shared presence. A calm, regulated person can literally help stabilize another. This is why safe relationships are so vital to resilience.   
• Chronic loneliness can trigger dorsal vagal shutdown, leading to withdrawal, numbness, and decreased emotional responsiveness.   

🩺 The Body: Health Begins in Relationships 

• Isolation increases cortisol, the body’s main stress hormone, and drives inflammation, which is linked to heart disease, diabetes, and autoimmune conditions.   
• People with strong relationships have lower blood pressure, better immune responses, and more restorative sleep.   
• Connection improves health behaviors, people are more likely to eat well, move regularly, and manage stress when supported.   
• Research shows that social disconnection increases risk of early death as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day 
• Prolonged loneliness affects the immune system, making the body more vulnerable to viruses and slower to heal. 

📊 Stats Worth Knowing 

• Loneliness increases the risk of early death by 26%, and social isolation increases it by 29% 
• Socially isolated adults are twice as likely to develop depression, and more likely to experience chronic anxiety.   
• Adults with strong social ties are 50% more likely to survive major illness, including heart attacks and cancer.   
• Chronic loneliness is associated with a 40% increased risk of dementia (National Academies of Sciences, 2020).   
• Nearly 1 in 2 Americans say they feel alone, isolated, or disconnected at least weekly (Cigna, 2023).   
• Gen Z and Millennials report the highest rates of loneliness, with over 60% saying they feel like no one truly knows them.   

These aren’t just emotional burdens. They’re public health indicators. Connection keeps us alive, and helps us thrive. 

🐅 Tiger Resilience Lens: Connection vs. Clutter 

We’re more “in touch” than ever, but less truly connected. Digital noise, constant busyness, and shallow communication create the illusion of closeness without the depth. 

Use this lens to clarify the difference: 

Clutter keeps us busy but not bonded. It fills time without feeding us. Real connection, on the other hand, often feels slower, quieter, even a little vulnerable. But it’s in those spaces, where we feel seen without performance, that resilience is truly reinforced. 

Connection isn’t measured by how many people you talk to. It’s about who you can sit with, without needing to be anyone but yourself. 

🏋️‍♂️ Michael’s Training Corner 

Part 1: The Hidden Power of Training Together 

Training alone builds grit. But over time, it’s the relationships around your workouts that determine whether you stay consistent, adapt well, and perform at your peak. 

When you train with others, whether it’s a coach, a lifting partner, or a supportive gym culture, your nervous system shifts. You feel safer, more motivated, and your perception of effort drops. That’s not just psychological, it’s physiological. 

• Training in a shared environment can lower your RPE (Rate of Perceived Exertion), you push harder, but it feels easier.   
• Support and encouragement activate mirror neurons, syncing your brain to theirs. That’s why seeing someone go all-in helps you go further. 
• Positive relationships reduce cortisol spikes during training, improving your body’s ability to recover afterward.   
• Post-workout, your sleep, appetite, and hormone regulation improve more when your nervous system feels safe and supported.   

This is called co-regulation, your nervous system syncing to another’s. In athletics, we talk about energy and momentum. In physiology, it’s about balance, safety, and shared output. And it’s a game-changer. 

Part 2: Mind-Muscle Connection Requires Nervous System Safety 

One of the most underrated aspects of training is the mind-muscle connection, your brain’s ability to engage a muscle with precision, focus, and intention. But that focus? It doesn’t come from hustle. It comes from regulation. 

If your nervous system is dysregulated, due to stress, loneliness, or toxic relationship dynamics, your ability to connect to the movement suffers: 

• Neuromuscular coordination drops. You lose the fine-tuned feedback that lets you activate specific muscle groups efficiently.   
• Cortisol dominance blunts growth signals and impairs motor learning, which is essential for improving skill, strength, and stability.   
• Your workouts start to feel like survival instead of progression. Not because the program is wrong, but because your system isn’t supported.   

On the flip side, when you feel emotionally regulated, your focus sharpens. You move with intention. You feel muscles contract and control the full range. That’s not fluff, that’s high-level motor unit recruitment and CNS (central nervous system) engagement. 

Bottom line? Connection drives performance. And it starts before the set even begins. 

🌍 Real-World Spotlight: Dr. Vivek Murthy on Loneliness as a Public Health Crisis

When Dr. Vivek Murthy returned as U.S. Surgeon General, his first major advisory wasn’t about heart disease, obesity, or addiction, it was about loneliness.

He called it a public health epidemic, warning that the effects of social disconnection are just as dangerous as smoking or obesity, and can increase the risk of premature death by nearly 30%. But more than the stats, it was his framing that stood out. 

Murthy explained that people often feel ashamed of loneliness, like it signals weakness. In reality, it signals our biology working as it should. Just like hunger drives us to eat, loneliness is a biological cue telling us we need connection to survive. 

In his own words: 

“We have, over time, normalized a culture of hyper-independence… but we weren’t meant to live like that.” 

Murthy also highlighted how workplaces, schools, and healthcare systems all need to re-center around relationship-building, not just productivity. Because connection isn’t a soft skill, it’s a survival skill. 

He’s now leading a nationwide effort to rebuild social bonds in every community. Not just through apps or awareness, but by restoring spaces for real human presence, from shared meals to walking groups to open-door policies in classrooms and clinics. 

His reminder: Connection is medicine. 

📓 Journal Exercise: The People We Carry 

You don’t reconnect by chance. 

You reconnect because something reminds you, they mattered, and they still do. 

This is your space to reflect before you reach out. 

To pause. To be honest. To make room. 

✍️ Part 1: Reflection 

Set aside 10–15 minutes and answer honestly: 

• Who do you miss that you haven’t talked to in a long time?  
• What words or moments have you left unsaid?  
• What’s stopped you from reaching out, fear, time, pride, uncertainty?  
• How have you carried this person in your mind or heart, even in silence?
• What kind of relationships do you want to invest in now, not “someday”?  

⚙️ Part 2: Action 

Now take one step toward reconnection: 

• Name one person: Who is the first person that comes to mind when you think of reconnection?   
• Write your opening line: What’s one sentence you could send that feels real, not rehearsed?   
• Choose the channel: Will you text, call, or write a message this week? Pick the method now.   
• Schedule it: Add a reminder to your calendar, connection requires intention.   
• Own your why: What value or truth is driving your desire to reconnect? Say it out loud.   

Want structured prompts like this every day? 

🛠️ Grab our self-esteem journal: 

Awaken the Tiger, Rise like the Phoenix — a guided companion built on the Five Pillars of Purpose, Planning, Practice, Perseverance, and Providence. 

🛒 Available now on Amazon: 

👉 Awaken the Tiger, Rise like the Phoenix 

🔚 Final Thoughts: The Strength to Reconnect 

It’s easy to get lost in motion, projects, healing, training, building the next thing. 

But life isn’t just about what you’re building. It’s about who you’re building with. 

Or who you’re building for. 

This week, come back to your roots. Your real anchors. 

Let the Five Pillars guide you: 

• Purpose: Who truly matters to you, and what role do they play in your story?   
• Planning: Are you making space for real connection, or just assuming it’ll happen “later”?   
• Practice: Show up. Send the message. Take the walk. Even imperfect connection is better than perfect silence.   
• Perseverance: Some relationships take time to repair or grow. Stay with it. Let grace lead.   
• Providence: Don’t wait for the perfect moment. The moment you decide to reach out becomes the right one.   

Because resilience isn’t a solo performance.

It’s a shared rhythm. A bond that holds, even when life pulls you in every direction.

Stay Resilient

Bernie & Michael

Tiger Resilience 🐅 

🔥 The Tiger's Den - FREE Community Membership🔥

🐅 Welcome to the Tiger Resilience Community 

This isn’t just a group—it’s a movement. 

The Tiger Resilience Community is a free, transformational space for real people ready to rise. Whether you're rebuilding from adversity or leveling up in your career, relationships, health, or inner life—this is where you belong. 

Built around our Five Pillars—Purpose, Planning, Practice, Perseverance, and Providence—this community unites body, mind, heart, and spirit for lasting growth. 

What you get as a free member: ✅ Biweekly Live Sessions (Fridays, 5:30–6:30 PM ET): Open conversations, coaching, and real talk.
✅ Support & Accountability: Connect with others who are on the same journey.
✅ Tools for Real Change: From communication skills to mindset strategies, fitness insights, and planning systems—we cover it all.
✅ Lifetime Value: Join now, and you’ll be grandfathered into our full membership when it launches—at zero cost. 

This is your call to rise. 

We’re not here to play small. We’re here to step into the arena—together. 

Come build resilience. Come build your future.

Come join the Den. 

🔥 Rise Strong and Live Boldly in the Bond of the Phoenix. 

👉 Click Button Below 📍

🐅 Rise Strong and Live Boldly in the Bond of the Phoenix. Your journey starts today.

Visit us at Tiger-Resilience.com to learn more!

📚 References

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 10(2), 227–237. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691614568352 

➡️ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1745691614568352 

Cacioppo, J. T., & Patrick, W. (2008). Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. W. W. Norton & Company. 

Murthy, V. H. (2020). Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World. Harper Wave. 

➡️ https://www.amazon.com/Together-Healing-Human-Connection-Sometimes/dp/0062913298 

Murthy, V. H. (2023). Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. 

➡️ https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf 

National Institutes of Health. (2023). Social isolation, loneliness in older people pose health risks. National Institute on Aging. 

➡️ https://www.nia.nih.gov/news/social-isolation-loneliness-older-people-pose-health-risks 

Harvard Health Publishing. (2021). The health benefits of strong relationships. Harvard Medical School. 

➡️ https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/the-health-benefits-of-strong-relationships 

Fransen, J., et al. (2015). The influence of social support on physical performance and perceived exertion during high-intensity exercise. Journal of Sports Sciences, 33(2), 145–154. https://doi.org/10.1080/02640414.2014.934707 

➡️ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25029001/ 

Carron, A. V., & Hausenblas, H. A. (1998). Group dynamics in sport. Fitness Information Technology. 

Zajonc, R. B. (1965). Social facilitation. Science, 149(3681), 269–274. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.149.3681.269 

➡️ https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.149.3681.269