Comparison: Letting Go of Their Timeline to Find Your Own

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📚 Read Time: 8 Minutes 

We don’t always notice when it starts. 

You see someone’s post. You hear a friend's update. You catch a glimpse of someone further ahead. 

And without meaning to, you stop trusting your own pace. 

In a world that constantly shows us where others are going, it’s easy to lose sight of where we are. 

We start measuring our worth by timelines that don’t belong to us. 

We confuse their highlight reel with our starting point. 

And we wonder why we feel behind, even when we’re making progress. 

At Tiger Resilience, we believe comparison is one of the most overlooked weights we carry. It distracts us from our goals, disconnects us from our values, and disrupts the quiet, steady work of becoming who we’re meant to be. 

This week, we’re cutting through the noise. We're exploring how to let go of their timeline and return to your own: 

What we’re breaking down: 

• What comparison really is, and why it’s so hard to avoid  
• The science of comparison, how it impacts your brain, body, and focus  
• Surprising stats about social media, mental health, and the cost of constant comparison  
• The Tiger Resilience Lens: Comparison vs. Competition, where they overlap, where they diverge, and how to know which one you're in   
• Michael’s Training Corner: Why progress in fitness can’t be compared across timelines, how small wins are built into coaching cycles, and what most people get wrong about maintaining a strong physique  
• A real-world spotlight on Mark Manson’s take on how social media hijacks our sense of self and why chasing someone else’s metrics is a fast track to burnout. 
• A two-part guided journal exercise to help you identify triggers and reclaim your own standards  
• Final reflections on how releasing comparison strengthens all five pillars of resilience  

Because someone else’s success isn’t your threat. 

And someone else’s path isn’t your map. 

🧭 What Is Comparison? 

Comparison is the act of measuring your success, worth, or identity against someone else’s. It’s not always conscious, but it’s almost always costly. What starts as curiosity quickly becomes pressure. You see someone further ahead and forget how far you’ve come. You trade your standards for theirs. You stop asking what matters to you and start asking where you rank. 

Comparison pulls you away from your values and into a story that was never yours to begin with. 

Here’s what it often looks like: 

• Upward comparison is looking at someone “ahead” of you, fitter, wealthier, more accomplished, and feeling like you’re behind. It can spark motivation, but more often it fuels envy and self-doubt.   
• Downward comparison is looking at someone “behind” you, less experienced, struggling more, and feeling better about where you are. It can offer a momentary boost, but it rarely leads to growth.   
• Chronic comparison trains your brain to see life as a scoreboard. You stop noticing your own wins because you're too busy tracking someone else's.   
• Social media amplifies it by giving you curated highlight reels to measure yourself against 24/7. You compare your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s best angle.   
• Context gets erased. You forget their chapter 20 isn’t your chapter 2. You forget their wins came after seasons you didn’t see.   

The most dangerous part of comparison? 

You start asking, “Am I doing better than them?” instead of “Am I becoming who I want to be?” 

Don’t measure success by likes, status, or speed. Measure it by alignment, growth, and truth. And that can’t be found looking sideways. 

Michael’s Perspective: The Trap of Then 

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about 22 vs. 32. 

By most measures, life should feel “better” now, physically, emotionally, spiritually, even financially. I’m stronger. Clearer. More grounded in who I am. But it doesn’t feel better just because I got older. 

What I’ve noticed is that even in seasons of growth, we still fall into comparison mode, especially with earlier versions of ourselves. 

I caught myself doing it recently, looking back at 22-year-old me. Not just the version who gave up on running, but the version who spent his time and energy on things that now feel meaningless. And even though I’ve changed in ways I’m proud of, there’s still a subtle tension beneath that reflection. We look at our past like a puzzle to solve, as if there’s a secret embedded in our best or worst moments. 

When things went well, we compare and wonder: How do I get that version of me back? 

When things went wrong, we obsess: Why did I do that? What was I thinking? 

But here’s the truth, that version of us is gone. The moment is gone. 

Reflection is helpful. Comparison is a trap. 

What actually moves us forward is asking: How do I make this moment, this version of me, the strongest one yet? 

And of course, it’s not just internal. We do this with other people too, sometimes quietly, sometimes compulsively. We compare jobs, bodies, relationships, follower counts, bank accounts, vacation photos, milestones. Every scroll is a measuring stick. 

What makes comparison so damaging now is how massive it feels. 

When we were younger, comparison was local. You compared yourself to your classmates, teammates, neighborhood, maybe the best player in the league, or the person who got the solo in the play. It was real, but reachable. 

Now? 

Now you're up against 16-year-olds breaking world records. People making millions from startups before they can legally drink. Bodies that look digitally sculpted. Travelers with passports full of stamps and lives curated for aesthetic perfection. 

What used to be a motivator can now feel like proof you’re already behind. 

And if I’m being honest, I think I’ve been one of the most guilty of this in my own circle. Comparison has fueled a lot of my insecurities over the years. 

I’ve told myself: 

• You’re not doing enough yet.   
• You should be further along.   
• You’re wasting your potential.   

Even when I didn’t want what someone else had, I still used their path to question mine. 

It’s like the mind gets wired to compare every single thing, even when you have no desire to be in that phase of life. Marriage. Kids. Millions. Influence. It doesn’t matter. The loop still runs. 

And that’s what makes this work, the work of investing in your path, your health, your relationships, your joy, so essential. 

Because comparison drains us. But presence rebuilds us. 

And the truth is, the most meaningful version of your life isn’t behind you or beside you. It’s only ever built from where your feet are now. 

Not trying to get back to anything, just trying to be fully here.

Bernie's Perspective: The Only Thing I am Competing with is

 It’s 5:15 AM, and I’m up living the dream.

Not the kind that gets plastered all over social media. Not the one filled with yachts, filters, and highlight reels. 

I’m talking about my dream — the kind that’s been built slowly, painfully, and prayerfully. The kind that’s earned, not gifted. The kind that started not with privilege, but with pain. 

You see, for a long time, I didn’t believe I was living any dream at all. 

In my early 20s, I was already a general manager overseeing 130 employees. From the outside, I looked successful. I worked hard, showed up every day, and kept the whole ship afloat. 

But inside? I felt like I was drowning. 

I watched friends from high school and college take what looked like smoother paths — climbing corporate ladders, getting degrees, starting families. I saw their posts, their vacations, their promotions. And no matter how well I was doing, there was always a quiet whisper in my head:
“You’re still behind.” 

I didn’t realize it then, but I was measuring my worth against timelines that had nothing to do with me. 

What I wasn't telling anyone at the time was that I had lost my father when I was 12.
That by 17, I was homeless — sleeping in Central Park, in a snowbank, in December.
Not because I was reckless. Not because I made terrible decisions.
But because life, in all its unfairness, had kicked me straight in the gut. 

So yes, I worked five times harder than everyone else.
Because I knew the alternative.
Because I had to. 

But when you’ve come from survival mode, comparison is a cruel trick. It keeps you hustling without ever letting you feel whole. It robs you of joy in the name of progress. It blinds you to how far you’ve come because you’re too busy watching someone else’s story unfold. 

For me, that pressure turned into shame.
That shame turned into doubt.
And eventually, that doubt fueled years of alcohol use — not to party, but to numb. 

Looking back now, I can name it clearly.
I wasn’t lacking discipline.
I was lacking permission — to heal, to rest, to be proud of myself, and to stop apologizing for a past I didn’t choose. 

And here’s the truth I wish I knew earlier: 

You don’t owe anyone your timeline.
You don’t have to race someone else’s version of success.
You are not behind — you are becoming. 

This morning, on my birthday — August 3rd — I decided to live that truth out loud.
At 5:15 AM, while most of the world was still asleep or scrolling, I took off north to one of my favorite places in the world — 30,000 acres of pure, untouched land. Mountains, mud, forest, and quiet. 

I hopped on my ATV, kicked up some dirt, and gave myself the gift I used to believe I didn’t deserve: peace. 

I thought for a moment: “Maybe I should be grinding today. Maybe I should jump on a Zoom call, write a blog, schedule something ‘productive.’ That’s what high performers do, right?” 

But that old voice?
It doesn’t run the show anymore. 

Because the most successful people I know — the real ones, the grounded ones — have learned to protect what matters.
They make time to breathe.
They know how to hit reset.
They understand that rest is not weakness — it’s wisdom. 

And today, I let the woods do their work on me.
The only comparison I made was on the trail, when I looked over at some of the other riders and smiled.
They were covered in mud.
But not like me.
Let’s say I won that one — hands down. 

So if you’re reading this and feeling like you're “not where you should be” — pause.
Breathe.
And ask yourself: Says who? 

You’re not behind.
You’re not broken.
You’re on a path that’s uniquely yours — and no one else gets to define it. 

The dream isn’t out there. It’s not in their success.
It’s here — in the fact that you’re still standing, still climbing, still rising. 

Let go of the clock.
Let go of the noise.
And when you can — get out in the mud. 

It does wonders for the soul. 

Some people measure success in titles. I measure it in trail dust, mud streaks, and how many deer gave me the side-eye today. 5:15 AM club — but make it muddy. 🏞️ 🛞

🧠🩺 The Science of Comparison: What Happens in the Brain and Body 

Comparison doesn’t just shape your mood. It changes how your brain fires, how your body reacts, and how your nervous system functions. It’s a full-body stressor that can hijack your focus and drain your resilience. 

Here’s how it shows up across both mind and body: 

🧠 In the Brain 

• Your reward system gets hijacked. Studies show that when you see someone doing “better,” the brain’s reward centers (especially the ventral striatum) actually register your own win as a loss. Even if you gained something, seeing someone else gain more feels like failure.   
• The threat response activates. Upward comparison often lights up the same brain regions involved in social pain. The anterior cingulate cortex signals an error or threat, increasing anxiety and triggering self-doubt.   
• You get pulled into rumination. Comparison can overload working memory and reduce cognitive flexibility. Instead of focusing forward, your brain loops on someone else’s progress and your perceived shortcomings.   
• Motivation becomes distorted. Your goals shift from internal values to external metrics. You’re no longer working toward what matters to you, you’re trying to “catch up” to someone else’s path.   

🩺 In the Body 

• Cortisol rises. Just the feeling of falling behind can trigger a physiological stress response. Comparison often spikes cortisol, elevating heart rate, increasing tension, and draining focus.   
• The nervous system shifts out of regulation. Your body moves from a parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) state into sympathetic arousal. Even low-level comparison can leave you feeling restless or agitated.   
• Chronic stress accumulates. When comparison becomes a habit, so does low-grade stress. This contributes to poor sleep, increased inflammation, fatigue, and lowered immune resilience over time.   
• Physical symptoms mimic social threat. Tight chest, shallow breath, clenched jaw, comparison isn’t just emotional. It lands in the body like a warning signal, even when no danger is present.   

The brain and body both interpret comparison as a mismatch between where you are and where you think you “should” be. Over time, that perceived gap becomes a source of chronic tension that weakens focus, performance, and peace of mind. 

But the good news is that awareness breaks the cycle. When you stop letting someone else’s progress define your worth, your nervous system doesn’t have to fight a battle it was never meant to win. 

📊 Stats Worth Knowing 

We know comparison is common, but these numbers show just how deeply it’s shaping our mental health, our self-worth, and our day-to-day experience. 

• 93% of Gen Z social media users say they feel pressure to compare themselves online. 

And nearly all of them say those comparisons make them feel worse, not better. 

• 9 out of 10 young adults report that comparison on social media makes them feel unhappy with their own life. 

It’s not motivating them. It’s draining them.  

• Over 50% say online comparison lowers their self-esteem. 

The more they scroll, the worse they feel about who they are and what they’ve accomplished.  

• 14% of respondents said comparison online led to suicidal thoughts. 

Not envy. Not frustration. Suicidal thoughts. This isn’t a light issue, it’s a crisis of internal worth.  

• 44% say the number one area they compare is body image. 

And 74% say that comparison has made them consider surgery to change how they look.  

• 59% compare themselves daily on social media. 

That means for more than half of young adults, comparison isn’t a moment, it’s a habit.  

• Comparison is dose-dependent. 

Studies show that the more often someone makes upward social comparisons, the lower their mood, self-esteem, and motivation. 

• Even "inspiring" envy can backfire. 

While some upward comparisons lead to temporary motivation, most result in guilt, resentment, or paralysis. The difference lies in mindset, but for the average person, repeated exposure to others' success leads to stagnation, not growth.  

The takeaway: comparison doesn’t just make you feel bad, it rewires how you see yourself, how you move through the world, and what you believe is possible. And for most people, it’s happening multiple times a day without them even realizing it. 

🐅 Tiger Resilience Lens: Comparison vs. Competition 

We often treat comparison and competition like they’re the same. But they move us in very different ways. Comparison pulls you away from your path. Competition, when healthy, can sharpen your focus. One distorts your progress. The other can refine it. The key is knowing which one you're in, and when it’s gone too far. 

Here’s how they play out across the Four Human Domains: 

Where comparison isolates, competition can connect. 

Where comparison breeds resentment, competition, when honest, builds resilience. 

But even competition can tip into dysfunction when it’s about approval, not purpose. 

When the goal becomes being better than, you lose the point entirely. The most powerful progress isn’t about who’s ahead, it’s about who’s aligned. 

Your path doesn’t need to be faster. It needs to be yours. 

🏋️ Michael’s Training Corner: Progress Is Seasonal & Why Comparison Kills Momentum 

Part 1: The Structure Behind Real Progress 

One of the biggest traps in training is comparing your effort to someone years into their journey. What people miss is the structure behind sustainable growth. Training progress isn’t constant, it moves through cycles: 

• Microcycles (weekly): Small wins that stack up, an extra rep, better technique, or sharper intent. This is where consistency gets built.   
• Mesocycles (4–8 weeks): Focused progress on strength, endurance, or mobility. Fatigue builds, then adaptation follows.   
• Macrocycles (6–12+ months): The big picture. Performance gains, body composition changes, and milestones happen here, built on everything before it.   

People often get discouraged because they see someone else’s outcome and assume they’re doing something wrong. But most of what you're seeing is the result of consistent micro and mesocycles over time. Not magic. Not shortcuts. 

As a coach and athlete, I’ve learned the most powerful shift comes from staying rooted in your own phase. Not looking sideways. When you know the purpose of your current cycle, comparison fades. Progress gets personal. 

Part 2: Maintenance Volume Is Lower Than Most Think 

Another part people miss: once you’ve built muscle and strength, it takes far less to maintain it than most expect. 

• Research shows trained lifters can maintain strength and muscle for 12 to 32 weeks with just one hard session per muscle group per week, if effort stays high.   
• Volume can drop by up to two-thirds without major losses, as long as intensity is preserved.   
• Older adults can maintain with 1–2 full-body sessions per week, keeping effort high with 1–3 quality sets per movement.   

That’s why you'll see athletes doing more running or skill work while still looking strong. They already built their base. Maintenance is efficient once the foundation is in place. 

I’m in that phase now. I don’t need massive weekly volume to hold size. I need smart programming and consistent effort. That frees me up to train hard on the track, recover well, and stay mobile, without chasing numbers that no longer serve the phase I’m in. 

If you don’t understand that, you’ll assume you’re falling behind. But you’re not. You’re building what someone else is maintaining. 

The athletes who go the distance know this. They don’t compare. They cycle their efforts. They track what matters, their own response to their own plan. 

🌍 Real-World Spotlight: Mark Manson on the Comparison Trap 

When I (Michael) first picked up The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck* back in 2023 as the first book of my 75 Hard challenge, I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect much. The title felt like a gimmick, and I’d always had a bit of skepticism around books that looked like they were built more for viral headlines than real depth. 

But it surprised me. 

Manson doesn’t sugarcoat anything. His writing is direct, uncomfortable at times, and layered with a level of clarity that sticks. What hit me most wasn’t the shock value, it was how precisely he articulated the internal chaos that comparison creates. Especially in a world where our worth seems tied to timelines, likes, and constant exposure. 

One line that stayed with me: 

“You can’t be happy if you’re constantly comparing yourself to others. And you’ll never be truly free if your sense of worth depends on being better than someone else.” 

In his work, Manson breaks comparison down like this: 

• Social media turns self-worth into a scoreboard. You don’t just see someone else’s life, you rank your own against it.   
• Comparison disconnects you from your own values. The more you watch others, the less you trust your own path.   
• Freedom comes from choosing your own metrics. When you define success by alignment, effort, or truth, not outcome, the trap starts to lose power.   

Reading that book at the start of a physical and mental discipline challenge reminded me that true transformation doesn’t come from outworking others. It comes from outgrowing your own excuses. And that mindset shift? It’s impossible to make if you’re stuck measuring your life against someone else’s. 

👉 Check out Mark Manson’s book here: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck on Amazon 

📝 Journal Exercise: Get Off Their Timeline, Return to Yours 

Part 1: Reflect 

Before you can shift your focus, you have to get clear on what’s been pulling it away. Take 10–15 minutes to explore these: 

• Who am I comparing myself to right now? 

Be specific, a friend, a public figure, someone from your past?  

• What story am I telling myself about their progress vs. mine? 

What's the hidden narrative behind the comparison?  

• What season am I truly in? 

Building, healing, learning, recovering, name it without judgment.  

• What progress have I already made that I’ve been overlooking? 

Own your effort. Don’t dismiss it just because it’s quiet.  

• What would it look like to pace myself by my own values this week? 

Not the loudest goal, the truest one.  

Part 2: Action 

Now re-center on your path. Use these prompts to take grounded, forward-moving action based on your real season: 

• This week, I will give my attention to...   
• One choice I can make that reflects my values is...   
• Instead of checking someone else’s progress, I’ll track...   
• To protect my energy, I’ll limit...   
• Success for me right now means...   

📘 Want a space to build clarity like this daily? Our Awaken the Tiger and Phoenix Self-Esteem Journal helps you reset your mindset, reconnect with purpose, and move forward with intention. 

👉 Get yours on Amazon 

🔚 Final Thoughts: The Only Pace That Matters Is Yours

Comparison doesn’t just drain energy, it distorts direction. It tricks you into measuring your life by someone else’s season, then convinces you that you're falling behind. 

But you're not behind. You're in process. And process isn’t linear, it’s layered. 

Every time you pull your focus back from the noise and return to your values, you reclaim your agency. You move with intention. You honor the unique arc of your own evolution. 

Here’s how our Five Pillars help you stay rooted when the pressure to compare creeps in: 

• Purpose keeps you from chasing someone else’s goals. It reminds you why you started, and where you’re going.   
• Planning helps you design a path that fits your season, your needs, and your truth, not someone else's pace.   
• Practice teaches you that consistency beats intensity. Small reps, done daily, build momentum without burnout.   
• Perseverance keeps you moving even when progress feels invisible. You grow quietly before you grow visibly.   
• Providence reminds you that alignment is greater than applause. You’re not here to match a timeline, you’re here to live your truth.   

And if you catch yourself comparing again, that’s okay too. 

You’re human. We all are. 

But the moment you notice it, you have a choice. 

To come back to your lane. To honor your season. 

To run your race. 

Stay Resilient 

Bernie & Michael

Tiger Resilience 🐅 

📚 References  

Dvash, J., Gilam, G., Ben-Ze’ev, A., Hendler, T., & Shamay-Tsoory, S. G. (2010). The envious brain: The neural basis of social comparison. Human Brain Mapping, 31(11), 1741–1752. https://doi.org/10.1002/hbm.20976 

Meshi, D., Morawetz, C., & Heekeren, H. R. (2013). Nucleus accumbens response to gains in reputation for the self relative to gains for others predicts social media use. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 7, 439. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2013.00439 

The Cybersmile Foundation. (2023). Comparison Culture Report 2023. https://www.cybersmile.org/news/the-cybersmile-foundation-publishes-comparison-culture-report-2023 

Reviews.org. (2023). 2023 Screen Time Statistics. https://www.reviews.org/mobile/screen-time-statistics/ 

Psychology Today. (2019). The age of comparison: What social media is doing to us. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-gen-y-guide/201905/the-age-comparison-what-social-media-is-doing-us 

World Health Organization. (2023). Depression and other common mental disorders: Global health estimates. https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/WHO-MSD-MER-2017.2 

Pew Research Center. (2022). Teens, Social Media and Mental Health. https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2022/11/16/teens-social-media-and-mental-health/ 

Hunt, M. G., Marx, R., Lipson, C., & Young, J. (2018). No more FOMO: Limiting social media decreases loneliness and depression. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 37(10), 751–768. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2018.37.10.751 

Spiering, B. A., Mujika, I., Sharp, M. A., & Foulis, S. A. (2021). What is the minimum dose to maintain physical performance? Sports Medicine, 51(2), 213–225. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40279-020-01337-9

Schoenfeld, B. J., Grgic, J., Ogborn, D., & Krieger, J. W. (2017). Strength and hypertrophy adaptations between low‐ vs. high‐load resistance training: A meta-analysis. Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research, 31(12), 3508–3523. https://doi.org/10.1519/JSC.0000000000002200