Identity: Who We Are Beyond the Labels

Welcome to Our Latest Newsletter! 

📚 Read Time: 10 Minutes 

We all carry stories about who we are. Sometimes they’re empowering: I’m strong, I’m resilient, I’m a learner. Other times, they shrink us: I’m just the runner, I’m the anxious one, I’m nothing without my job. Identity can ground us in purpose, or it can box us into roles that no longer fit. 

Athletes often learn this the hard way when an injury or retirement strips away the one role they’ve clung to. But it’s not just athletes. Parents face it when kids leave home. Professionals face it when careers shift. Anyone who has ever been known for “that one thing” knows the disorientation that comes when life changes and you’re left asking: Who am I now? 

Identity is powerful because it’s more than a label, it’s the anchor that gives us continuity through change. A strong identity helps us weather transitions, adapt to new roles, and keep a core sense of self even when circumstances shift. A fragile or overly rigid identity, on the other hand, can make us defensive, stressed, or lost when that identity gets challenged. 

This week, we’re breaking down the science and practice of identity: how the brain and body construct a sense of self, why identity matters for resilience, and how to build one that’s both strong and flexible. 

What we’ll cover: 

• What identity really is, personal and social, and how it evolves  
• The brain and body science of self-concept and identity defense  
• Surprising stats on identity, performance, and mental health  
• The Tiger Resilience Lens: Identity vs. Role Confusion   
• Michael’s Training Corner: identity in training tribes and diet labels  
• A real-world spotlight on Jung’s insights into the persona vs. true self  
• A journaling practice to help you explore and update your identity 

🧭 What Is Identity? 

At its core, identity is our ongoing answer to the question: Who am I? It’s not a single label but the collection of traits, values, and roles that make us feel like a coherent self over time. 

Identity shows up in two complementary ways: 

• Personal identity: the inner narrative of your strengths, values, and unique characteristics. It’s how you see yourself, curious, disciplined, creative, resilient, and it influences the choices you make every day.   
• Social identity: the external roles and groups that connect you to others. Being a parent, a teacher, an athlete, or part of a cultural or professional community all create belonging and meaning.   

Together, these give us a sense of continuity. Even as life circumstances change, we rely on identity to feel like the same person moving through different chapters. But identity can also trap us. When we fuse too tightly with a single role, the job title, the sport, the relationship, we become vulnerable. If that role is lost or challenged, the ground beneath us feels shaky. This is what Erik Erikson described as identity vs. role confusion: the challenge of knowing who you are apart from the roles you perform. 

The reality is that identity isn’t fixed, it’s a living story. Every stage of life asks us to revise, adapt, and expand that story. Healthy identity is flexible: it holds steady to core values while allowing roles to shift. Fragile identity is rigid: it resists change and collapses when circumstances no longer match the label. 

Resilient people share one thing in common: they see identity as an anchor, not a cage. They carry forward their values, curiosity, compassion, grit, faith, even when careers, sports, or relationships change. That flexibility lets them grow through transition instead of being broken by it. 

Michael’s Perspective: Identity, the Mirror, and Killing Your Clone 

Earlier this week I wrote a thread on 𝕏 about body dysmorphia and how identity gets tied to the way we see ourselves in the mirror. That thread was raw because it wasn’t just about one moment. It was about an entire timeline of how my self-image shifted and how identity was constantly reshaped, often in ways that weren’t healthy. 

As a kid I was chubby. I did not have the language for it then but I felt it every time we ran the mile in school, every time I compared myself to others, every time I felt like my body was the wrong kind. That early picture of myself as “not athletic” became a seed that kept growing. 

In my teenage years I turned to running. On the surface it looked like a good shift. I was leaner, I was running regularly, I was pushing myself. What I did not realize then was that I had developed anorexia. I was starving myself and calling it discipline. My times improved, the scale went down, and people praised me for it. Inside, though, I was training from a place of punishment. My identity became wrapped around being smaller, lighter, faster. It was fragile because it depended entirely on controlling food and shrinking myself. 

Later the pendulum swung. I shifted into weight training and built muscle. I added size, I leaned out, I looked strong. But the identity trap was the same. Now the mirror told me I was too big to run or too small to look like I lifted enough. No matter the phase, there was always a reason I wasn’t enough. The label changed but the voice behind it didn’t. That is the essence of body dysmorphia. You keep moving the goalposts so the identity never feels safe. 

Now I find myself somewhere in between. I run, I lift, I train hard, and I try to build my life around health and performance. But I have learned that I cannot anchor my identity only in appearance or a single role. Runner and lifter are not who I am. They are what I do. My identity has to be something broader and deeper: resilience, discipline, curiosity, strength. Those are the values that carry through every phase and keep me steady when the mirror tries to pull me back. 

This is where Dr. Layne Norton’s perspective made me stop and think. He said that people who succeed in long-term change don’t just change their habits, they change their identity. His friend Ethan Suplee, who lost over 130 kg, has a phrase he uses: “I killed my clone today.” The clone is the old version of yourself, the one who is always still there, waiting for you to slip back. Each day you have to kill that clone by showing up as the new version of yourself. 

That hit me because it explained my own timeline. The chubby kid who thought he didn’t belong in an athletic body is still inside me. The starving teenage runner who thought smaller was always better is still inside me. The lifter who thought his worth depended on the mirror is still inside me. They do not vanish, they do not go away. The only way to move forward is to out-act them. Each run, each rep, each meal is another act of killing the clone. 

Identity is powerful because it makes the hard choice the easy one. When you see yourself as someone who trains, you show up. When you see yourself as someone who runs, you lace up. When you see yourself as someone who fuels for performance, the mirror stops dictating every decision. The clones are still there but they are no longer in control. 

That is where I am now. Not living to fix myself but living to reinforce who I have become. Training and nutrition are not about punishing the body anymore, they are about living out the identity of an athlete who is resilient, strong, and adaptable. The mirror will always whisper, but identity is louder when it is rooted in values instead of appearances.

(You can read the full thread on body dysmorphia here.) 

Bernie POV: Reinventing Myself, One Honest Step at a Time 

It was July 22nd, and there I was—perched on a cold folding chair in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, staring at the coffee pot like it might spill the secrets of the universe. I’d just started my recovery journey, and let me tell you, the idea of a “paradigm shift” wasn’t just a buzzword. It was real, raw, and happening right inside me. Only, at the time, I had no clue what that shift would look like. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t just about quitting drinking. It was about my whole life. 

Early on, I discovered that this program wasn’t just a collection of wise sayings and bad coffee. It was a blueprint for reinventing yourself—one brutally honest inventory at a time. The 12 steps? Timeless. As relevant for the human condition as duct tape is for a leaky pipe. Honesty, personal responsibility, self-awareness, a growth mindset, relationships, gratitude, persistence… and, if you’re lucky, a little humility when you realize you’re not the center of the universe. (I know, it stings.) 

Why am I sharing all this structure and step-by-step stuff? Because, for me, the steps weren’t just sequential—they were a lifeline. They helped me figure out who I was, and even more importantly, who I wanted to become. Whether Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob had a hotline to the divine or just cobbled together the best of human wisdom in the middle of a mess, I’ll leave for the philosophers. Frankly, it reminds me of Stephen Covey’s “Seven Habits”—a thousand years of leadership wisdom, distilled into something you can actually use before your coffee gets cold. 

So, if you’re thinking about reinvention—becoming the person you want to be—let’s break down these foundations: 

Steps 1–3: These are about being honest with yourself and others (which, trust me, is harder than it sounds). Admitting you’re in a jam and accepting your reality is like shining a flashlight in the attic—you finally see what’s been lurking up there. It’s humbling, but it’s also the birthplace of hope. You start to realize: “Okay, maybe I don’t have all the answers, but I’m not alone in this.” 

Steps 4–7: Here’s where the real fun begins—time for a fearless self-inventory. This means looking at all your quirks, resentments, anxieties, and, yes, the ways you’ve been a pain in the neck (to yourself and others). It’s not about shame; it’s about clearing the slate. Confession isn’t just good for the soul—it’s essential for building a future you’re actually proud of. 

Steps 8–9: Now, you get to clean up your messes. Making amends isn’t just about righting wrongs; it’s about freeing yourself to move forward. You can’t build a new life with old baggage weighing you down—trust me, I’ve tried. 

Steps 10–12: These are the “keep it going” steps. Daily inventory, mindfulness, and deepening your spiritual practice (whatever that means for you—no labels required). And here’s the kicker: you don’t keep your progress to yourself. You pay it forward, sharing your story so someone else can find their way out of the dark. That, I believe, is what makes us truly human. 

It’s been nearly three decades since I started this journey. My life? Completely reinvented—many times, in fact. I left the corporate world, fell in love with human behavior, and went back to college (yes, at the same time as my son Michael—talk about a plot twist). Everything I learned, from the trenches of personal struggle to the lecture halls, became the foundation for Tiger Resilience and the Five Pillars we teach. 

But here’s what I know for sure: Life is a never-ending process of reinvention. Every new dream, every challenge, every time you stumble and get back up—it’s all part of the evolution. Remember being a kid, then a moody preteen, then suddenly you’re paying taxes and wondering when you became the adult in the room? Some shifts are massive—like marriage, parenthood, or losing someone you love. Others sneak up on you, like realizing you actually like kale. 

So, if change is inevitable (and it is—even osmosis gets us), doesn’t it make sense to decide who you want your future self to be? Start with the end in mind. Picture the person you want to become, and then take one small, brave step in that direction. Everything in life is created twice: first in the mind, then in the world. 

So go on—get busy creating. Rise strong, laugh at yourself, and remember: the only thing standing between you and your next great chapter is the courage to take that first step. 

🧠🩺 The Science of Identity: Your Brain and Body on “Who You Are” 

Identity isn’t just a concept, it’s built into our biology. The brain weaves together a self-narrative, and the body reinforces or challenges it through stress, hormones, and performance. 

🧠 In the Brain 

• Constructing the self: Networks like the Default Mode Network (DMN) link memory, imagination, and self-reflection, creating the ongoing story of “me.” This keeps your identity coherent over time. But when the DMN overfires, it can trap you in rigid self-beliefs that feel impossible to escape.   
• Identity as threat response: fMRI studies show that when deeply held beliefs are challenged, the amygdala (fear center) and insula (gut-feeling hub) activate, just like during physical danger. The brain reacts as though you are under attack, which is why criticism of your profession, lifestyle, or community can feel so personal.   
• Clarity and resilience: Psychologists call this self-concept clarity. People with a well-defined, flexible identity show stronger emotional regulation and lower rates of anxiety and depression. Those with fuzzy or conflicted identities often feel more reactive, uncertain, and vulnerable to stress.   

🩺 In the Body 

• Stress hormones: Identity threats trigger cortisol spikes. Chronic challenges to “who you are” can gradually erode immunity, sleep, and heart health.   
• Belonging and reward: Shared identity activates reward pathways. When your team wins, dopamine and testosterone rise; when you’re excluded, the brain’s pain circuits light up. Social identity literally gets under the skin.   
• Performance and habits: Identity shapes what we can endure and sustain. Athletes who see themselves as resilient often push further. People who adopt the identity “I am a non-smoker” quit far more successfully than those who simply try to quit.   

The takeaway: Identity is not just psychological, it’s neurological and physiological. A clear, values-based identity steadies the mind and calms the body. A fragile or threatened one keeps both in a constant cycle of stress. 

📊 Stats Worth Knowing 

Identity shows up everywhere, in work, health, and performance: 

• Work as self: 55% of U.S. workers say their job is central to their identity; among college grads, it’s 70%. Losing or changing work often sparks an identity crisis.   
• Clarity and mental health: College students with low self-concept clarity report significantly higher rates of depression and social anxiety. Clearer identity predicts greater life satisfaction and stability.   
• Food as identity: 69% of vegans say their diet is central to who they are, compared with 35% of vegetarians and just 10% of omnivores. Nutrition isn’t just fuel, it’s often a badge of belonging.   
• Athletic identity and transition: About 78% of retired Olympians report moderate to severe identity loss after leaving sport. Those who developed other roles alongside competition adjusted far more smoothly. 
• Group wins, body shifts: Testosterone in male fans jumps about 20% when their team wins, and drops the same amount after losses. Group identity literally alters hormone levels.   
• Shared identity and endurance: Rowers who strongly identified with their team tolerated 15–20% more pain on erg tests than those who didn’t. Identity can change what the body endures.   

Takeaway: Identity drives behavior more powerfully than we realize. It can lift us, bind us, or break us depending on how clearly and flexibly we define who we are. 

🐅 Tiger Resilience Lens: Identity vs. Role Confusion 

Identity provides stability when it’s grounded in values and flexible enough to grow. Role confusion emerges when identity is rigid, unclear, or tied only to a single mask. Here’s how each shows up across the four human domains: 

Bottom line: Role confusion is like sailing without a compass, you’re tossed by every wave. Strong identity is knowing your coordinates, anchored in values, but flexible enough to adapt. 

🏋️ Michael’s Training Corner: Identity in Training and Nutrition 

Part 1: Training Tribes 

Walk into any gym or scroll through social media and you’ll see it: people proudly tying their identity to a training style. Powerlifter. Marathoner. CrossFitter. Hybrid athlete. These tribes create powerful communities. They give you a sense of belonging, a language, and a standard to chase. From a behavioral standpoint, that identity can be a major advantage, because when you believe “this is who I am,” consistency follows. Runners run. Lifters lift. CrossFitters show up for the WOD no matter how brutal it looks. 

The upside of identity in training is clear: 

• Consistency: When training becomes part of who you are, you’re less likely to skip or quit.   
• Community: Shared identity builds camaraderie and accountability.   
• Confidence: Identity anchors belief, you’re not just doing the thing, you are the thing.   

But identity cuts both ways. When you attach too tightly to a single training identity, you risk closing yourself off: 

• Overuse and burnout: You ignore signs of fatigue or injury because “real [X] don’t take rest days.”   
• Closed-mindedness: You dismiss useful methods outside your lane (the lifter who refuses conditioning, the runner who avoids strength work).   
• Collapse in transition: If injury, life, or circumstance forces you out of your training tribe, the identity gap can feel crushing.   

I’ve seen both extremes. Athletes who thrive because they embrace a training identity, and athletes who crumble because they couldn’t imagine being anything else. The sweet spot is this: use identity for momentum, but don’t let it cage you. Think less “I am only a runner” and more “I am an athlete”, that broader frame keeps you resilient when life forces a pivot. 

Part 2: Diet Labels

The same identity traps show up in nutrition. For many, food isn’t just fuel, it’s a statement of who you are. Vegan. Carnivore. Keto. Paleo. These labels can give structure, community, and even moral purpose. When people put them in their bios, they’re saying: this isn’t just how I eat, it’s who I am. 

That identity power can help, diet adherence is higher when people see it as part of themselves. But it also comes with real risks: 

• Rigidity: You stick with a diet even when your body is clearly giving negative feedback.   
• Extremes: You demonize entire food groups (carbs, fats, animal products) because they don’t fit the tribe’s script.   
• Echo chambers: You block out new research or perspectives because they feel like attacks on who you are, not just what you eat.   

Nutrition science is clear on this: no single diet has a monopoly on health. Across large studies, most popular diets produce similar long-term results when calories and protein are accounted for. What matters is quality and sustainability. If your diet identity makes you healthier and you can live with it long-term, great. But if the label matters more than your well-being, that’s when it turns harmful. 

My advice is to anchor nutrition identity in values and goals, not tribes. For example: “I’m an athlete fueling for performance” or “I’m someone who eats to support long-term health.” That identity leaves room for flexibility. It lets you adjust carbs for training, increase protein for recovery, or add more plants for health, all without feeling like you’ve betrayed your identity. 

🌍 Real-World Spotlight: Carl Jung on the Persona and the True Self 

Carl Jung, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century, believed much of human struggle comes from confusion between the persona and the self. 

• The persona is the mask we wear for the world: the role we play at work, in our communities, or even online. It helps us fit in and function socially, but it isn’t the whole picture. 
• The self is the deeper, authentic identity, the part of us that integrates values, purpose, and meaning. Jung called the process of aligning with this deeper identity individuation, the lifelong task of becoming who you truly are.   

The problem arises when the mask becomes the identity. If you only see yourself as “the executive,” “the parent,” or “the athlete,” then when that mask slips, you feel lost. Jung warned that over-identifying with the persona creates emptiness, while neglecting it entirely leaves you isolated. 

The healthy path is balance. We need personas to navigate the world, just as we need uniforms in sport or titles in work. But resilience comes from remembering that the mask is just one expression of self, not the whole thing. 

Modern psychology echoes this. Research shows that when people tie identity to rigid roles, they’re more vulnerable to anxiety, depression, and crisis during life transitions. Those who cultivate a flexible identity anchored in values adapt far more smoothly. 

Takeaway: Masks matter, but they’re not the self. Resilient identity means honoring your deeper values beneath the roles, and letting the persona be a tool you use, not a cage you live in. 

📖 For a deeper dive, check out Jung’s Modern Man in Search of a Soul — a timeless look at identity, meaning, and selfhood that still resonates today. 

📝 Journal Exercise: Auditing Your Identity 

Identity is powerful when it’s flexible and values-based, not rigid or role-bound. This week’s exercise is about noticing where your identity may be too narrow, and expanding it. 

Part 1: Identity Audit 

Set aside 10 minutes to write answers to these prompts: 

1. Roles: What roles currently define me (parent, athlete, professional, friend, etc.)?   
2. Values: What qualities or principles do I want to define me, regardless of role?   
3. Tension: Where do I feel pressure to live up to a label that no longer fits?   

Part 2: Reframe and Expand 

Look over your answers. Circle one role you’re clinging to too tightly. Ask yourself: 

• If this role disappeared tomorrow, who would I still be?   
• Which of my values would carry forward no matter what changes?   

Then, write a single sentence that reframes your identity around values instead of just roles. For example: 

From: I am a runner → To: I am resilient and disciplined, and running is one way I express that.   

From: I am my job → To: I am creative and purposeful, and my career is just one outlet for that.   

Part 3: Daily Anchor 

For the next week, start your day by rereading your value-based identity sentence. Notice how it changes the way you approach challenges, setbacks, or transitions. 

🔥 Final Thoughts: Identity as the Anchor of Resilience 

Identity is not just a label. It’s the thread that ties our story together, shaping how we see ourselves and how we show up in the world. When it’s rigid, life transitions feel like earthquakes. When it’s flexible and values-based, it becomes an anchor that steadies us through change. 

Here’s how identity weaves through the Five Pillars of Tiger Resilience: 

• Purpose: A strong identity clarifies why you do what you do. It grounds your direction in values rather than external labels.   
• Planning: Effective plans flow from knowing who you are. Without identity clarity, goals drift or get hijacked by comparison.   
• Practice: Daily rituals are more sustainable when they align with identity. “I am someone who cares for my body” carries more weight than “I should work out.”   
• Perseverance: When adversity hits, identity rooted in values gives you grit without breaking you. You bend, but you don’t shatter.   
• Providence: Life brings roles and opportunities you can’t predict. A resilient identity keeps you open to them, while holding fast to your deeper self.   

In the end, resilience isn’t about never changing, it’s about carrying your core identity into every new chapter. Who you are is more than what you do, and when you root that truth in values, you can adapt, grow, and thrive no matter what shifts around you.

Stay Resilient 

Bernie & Michael

Tiger Resilience 🐅 

📚 References 

Bernhardt, P. C., Dabbs, J. M., Fielden, J. A., & Lutter, C. D. (1998). Testosterone changes during vicarious experiences of winning and losing among fans at sporting events. Physiology & Behavior, 65(1), 59–62. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0031-9384(98)00147-4 

Brewer, B. W., Van Raalte, J. L., & Linder, D. E. (1993). Athletic identity: Hercules’ muscles or Achilles heel? International Journal of Sport Psychology, 24(2), 237–254.   

Chen, S., Boucher, H. C., & Tapias, M. P. (2006). The relational self revealed: Integrative conceptualization and implications for interpersonal life. Psychological Bulletin, 132(2), 151–179. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.132.2.151 

Côté, J., & Levine, C. (2016). Identity formation, youth, and development: A simplified approach. New York, NY: Routledge.   

Erikson, E. H. (1968). Identity: Youth and crisis. New York, NY: Norton.   

Jung, C. G. (1933). Modern man in search of a soul (W. S. Dell & C. F. Baynes, Trans.). New York, NY: Harcourt, Brace, & World.   

Kroger, J., Martinussen, M., & Marcia, J. E. (2010). Identity status change during adolescence and young adulthood: A meta-analysis. Journal of Adolescence, 33(5), 683–698. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2009.11.002 

Luyckx, K., Schwartz, S. J., Berzonsky, M. D., Soenens, B., Vansteenkiste, M., Smits, I., & Goossens, L. (2008). Capturing ruminative exploration: Extending the four-dimensional model of identity formation in late adolescence. Journal of Research in Personality, 42(1), 58–82. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2007.04.004 

Oyserman, D., Elmore, K., & Smith, G. (2012). Self, self-concept, and identity. In M. R. Leary & J. P. Tangney (Eds.), Handbook of self and identity (2nd ed., pp. 69–104). New York, NY: Guilford Press.   

Reuber, M., & Muschalla, B. (2022). Food choices as identity markers: How strongly do vegetarians and vegans identify with their diets? Appetite, 172, 105995. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appet.2022.105995 

Ryba, T. V., Stambulova, N. B., Ronkainen, N. J., Bundgaard, J., & Selänne, H. (2015). Dual career pathways of transnational athletes. Psychology of Sport and Exercise, 21, 125–134. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychsport.2014.06.002 

Schwartz, S. J., Zamboanga, B. L., Meca, A., & Ritchie, R. A. (2013). Identity in emerging adulthood: Reviewing the field and looking forward. Emerging Adulthood, 1(2), 96–113. https://doi.org/10.1177/2167696813479781 

Settles, I. H. (2004). When multiple identities interfere: The role of identity centrality. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 30(4), 487–500. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167203261885 

Stets, J. E., & Burke, P. J. (2000). Identity theory and social identity theory. Social Psychology Quarterly, 63(3), 224–237. https://doi.org/10.2307/2695870 

Stryker, S., & Serpe, R. T. (1994). Identity salience and psychological centrality: Equivalent, overlapping, or complementary concepts? Social Psychology Quarterly, 57(1), 16–35. https://doi.org/10.2307/2786972 

Wang, Q., Zhang, J., & Zimmerman, M. A. (2024). Self-concept clarity and mental health: A longitudinal study among college students. Journal of Adolescence, 98, 50–62. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2023.12.004

Ysseldyk, R., Matheson, K., & Anisman, H. (2010). Religiosity as identity: Toward an understanding of religion from a social identity perspective. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 14(1), 60–71. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868309349693