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Emotional intelligence is not soft. It is strength guided by self-awareness. It is the ability to recognize what you feel without being ruled by it, and the capacity to respond with clarity when the pressure is high. Whether you are leading others, managing stress, healing from past wounds, or staying committed to personal goals, emotional intelligence is often the difference between reaction and growth. 

At its core, emotional intelligence means understanding your emotions, regulating your responses, and connecting with others through empathy and intention. It influences how you communicate, how you build trust, how you navigate setbacks, and how you sustain momentum when life gets hard. 

This week, we are exploring the full landscape of emotional intelligence. What it is, how it works in your body and brain, and why researchers suggest it may predict life success even more powerfully than IQ. We will also look at the dynamic relationship between emotional intelligence and physical training—how exercise helps build it, and how practicing it can transform your results. 

Emotional intelligence is not about silencing emotion. It is about developing the skills to lead with it. When applied with purpose, it becomes one of the most powerful tools for resilience, healing, and sustainable success. 

Michael’s Perspective: Redefining Intelligence from the Inside Out 

When I first sat down to revisit the topic of emotional intelligence, the thing that struck me most was how little we value it compared to IQ. We put so much emphasis on cognitive intelligence — on scores, labels, and outcomes — but we rarely stop to think about how someone actually functions in the world. How they manage themselves. How they connect with others. How they adapt when things get hard. 

The deeper I went into the research this week, the more convinced I became that emotional intelligence is the more important marker when it comes to success in almost any area of life. That is not to say IQ does not matter — at least to a baseline degree — but it is not the ultimate differentiator I once believed it to be. 

When I look at the five components of emotional intelligence, my mind immediately goes to training and coaching. That is where I see these skills show up in real time. 

Self-awareness is often lacking, especially in fitness. There is a gap between where people think they are and where they actually are. Studies confirm this, and you see it in the gym every day. You cannot improve what you are not willing to see clearly. 

Self-regulation might be one of the most important skills for a coach. If I am working with someone and I lose my sense of objectivity, if I start projecting my frustrations or needs onto them, the entire coaching relationship breaks down. Staying grounded and professional is not just about being calm — it is about staying committed to the purpose of the relationship. 

Motivation is where most people waver. It is one of the most unpredictable parts of emotional intelligence, especially in fitness. But the people who succeed are the ones who develop consistency around that drive. They are not always fired up, but they know how to show up. 

Empathy is non-negotiable. If you want to help people reach their goals, you need to understand what they are experiencing. You need to see their reality without judgment. Empathy does not mean letting people off the hook. It means meeting them where they are and helping them rise from there. 

Social skill is the one I find myself reflecting on the most. It is easy to be seen as approachable or easy to talk to, but that is not the same as being skilled in communication. Real social skill is the ability to have difficult conversations, offer clarity when things are unclear, and guide people toward solutions without pushing them away. That is the kind of relationship building that actually helps people grow. 

The more I think about this topic, the more I realize how little emotional intelligence is promoted in the health and fitness space. There is this mindset of push harder, do more, grind through it. And while I respect the value of effort and discipline, that go-go-go mentality often ignores everything emotional intelligence stands for. The people I see who stay in this game long-term, who maintain a healthy relationship with their body and their training, are not robotic. They are emotionally attuned. They have self-awareness, boundaries, compassion, and structure. 

That is what keeps them going. That is what allows them to evolve. 

I am realizing more than ever that emotional intelligence is not separate from performance. It is the foundation beneath it. And the more we understand it, the better we get at helping others succeed — and showing up for ourselves in the process. 

We talk a lot about IQ in performance spaces, but emotional intelligence is what I see determine outcomes in real life. This week reminded me how much EQ shows up in coaching, training, and staying consistent when motivation fades. On the track or in the gym, it’s emotional discipline that makes the difference

Bernie’s Point of View: Influence, Intelligence, and the Power to Choose Grace 

I’ve learned over time — and often the hard way — that emotional intelligence is not just a buzzword or some gentle suggestion for self-improvement. It’s not about being nice. It’s not about holding hands and avoiding hard truths. No, emotional intelligence is the ability to feel everything... without letting it drown you. It’s steel-reinforced self-awareness. 

It’s the reason I can walk into a room today and hold my ground with calm clarity instead of old anger. It’s the reason I don’t react with fire when someone tries to push my buttons — because I’ve come to realize those buttons don’t belong to them. They only work if I let them. 

Recently, I had a moment that reminded me just how vital this kind of intelligence is — not just for survival, but for leadership, influence, and building boundaries that actually work. 

One of the clinicians I supervise came to me visibly shaken. She had just left a closed-door meeting with one of our senior directors — someone who, quite frankly, doesn’t belong anywhere near the word “leader.” The meeting, if you could even call it that, was less of a dialogue and more of a verbal assault. No empathy. No inquiry. Just a cold, corporate takedown masked as accountability. She was scolded for missing work due to health issues, reprimanded for “a bad attitude,” and berated for giving brief responses in team meetings. Never once did anyone ask, “Are you okay?” 

She told me that at first, she matched that energy — defensive, angry, on edge. But then something clicked. She remembered the conversations we’ve had. The times I talked about holding emotional space. About not giving people the reaction they’re trying to provoke. About listening — not to validate their attack — but to protect your own peace. 

So she stopped. She let the director continue. She sat in silence, not because she was defeated, but because she was grounded. She chose to observe instead of absorb. And by the end of the meeting — with no write-up issued — she walked out knowing exactly who held the real power in that room. 

That, right there, is emotional intelligence in action. 

Afterward, we talked. I praised her not just for what she withheld, but for what she preserved — her own dignity. I reminded her that people who seek to break us down are often projecting their own inner chaos. The ones who try to control others usually feel most out of control themselves. And those who try to push our buttons? They installed them. 

But here’s the good news: 

We can uninstall them. 

We can put up new wiring — boundaries built on confidence, not walls built from fear. 

This is why I believe emotional intelligence is the true bedrock of leadership. Not titles. Not power plays. Influence doesn’t come from intimidation. It comes from how we make people feel — especially when things get hard. Especially when we’re under pressure. 

And for me, this is personal. 

I didn’t grow up with healthy boundaries. I didn’t have models of emotional maturity around me. What I learned, I learned through pain. Through survival. Through failure. And then, through choice. I had to build a new way to exist in this world — one where I could feel deeply without reacting destructively. One where I could lead others, not from fear, but from steadiness. 

Because emotional intelligence doesn’t just help us withstand the world — it helps us influence it. 

It helps us teach others, not by preaching, but by modeling. It shows up when we meet aggression with grounded calm. When we respond instead of react. When we create space instead of closing off. And most of all, when we build boundaries that say: “I can care deeply — and still protect my peace.” 

I told my clinician, “Next time, walk into that room and be exactly who you are — kind, competent, compassionate — even if they can’t see it. Especially if they can’t. That’s the boundary.” 

Because emotional intelligence isn’t about who deserves our grace. It’s about deciding that we deserve to act from our highest self — even when others don’t. 

So if you’ve been in that kind of room — with someone trying to make you small — I see you. 

And if you’ve ever wondered whether staying calm is the same as backing down, let me tell you: 

It’s not. It’s standing taller than chaos without needing to shout. 

In this community, we don’t numb emotion. We train it. We direct it. And we build with it. 

Because resilience isn’t just what you bounce back from. 

It’s who you become when you choose grace over rage. 

And boundaries? 

They aren’t about keeping others out — they’re about keeping yourself intact. 

That’s power. That’s influence. That’s emotional intelligence. 

And that’s what we’re building, together. 

There’s something powerful about being surrounded by people who not only stand with you in the work we do—but also show up outside of it. This is my incredible clinical team; they are always supportive and always bring good energy. They came out to one of my band gigs for a little “let your hair down” kind of night, and as you can see, the joy is real. In a field that can be heavy, these moments of laughter, music, and togetherness remind us that resilience isn’t just built in the hard times—it’s also nourished in connection, celebration, and community.

The Science of Emotional Intelligence: What Happens in the Brain and Body 

Emotional intelligence is not just a personality trait. It is rooted in how your brain and body process, interpret, and regulate emotion. Understanding the science behind it makes the skill more actionable — and more trainable. 

🧠 The Brain on Emotional Intelligence 

Emotional intelligence relies heavily on the brain’s ability to balance emotional input with rational response. When emotional intelligence is high, there is a strong connection between three key areas: 

• The amygdala scans for emotional cues and signals potential threats. In people with low EI, the amygdala often dominates, leading to emotional reactivity or overwhelm.   
• The prefrontal cortex helps regulate those emotional impulses and make thoughtful decisions. Strong EI is linked to more activity here, especially during conflict or stress.   
• The anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) supports self-awareness and error correction. It helps you recognize when you are emotionally off course and make adjustments in real time. 

This neural balance allows you to feel deeply without losing control, stay steady under pressure, and empathize without becoming emotionally flooded. Brain imaging studies show that emotionally intelligent individuals have stronger pathways between emotional and regulatory regions, allowing them to shift more smoothly between reaction and reflection. 

🩺 The Physiology of Emotional Intelligence 

The body plays just as powerful a role. Emotional intelligence depends on how well your nervous system can return to baseline after activation. When the system is flexible, emotions move through you without hijacking your actions. 

• Cortisol levels are lower in people with high EI, reducing the wear and tear of chronic stress.   
• Oxytocin, the hormone tied to trust and bonding, increases with emotional attunement and empathy.   
• Heart Rate Variability (HRV) is higher, indicating better emotional regulation and recovery.   
• The vagus nerve, a key part of the parasympathetic nervous system, supports calmness and connection. Breathwork and mindfulness — both EI-building tools — increase vagal tone.   
• Inflammation markers tend to be lower in individuals who score high in EI, showing that emotional regulation benefits physical health too.   

In short, emotional intelligence is not just about how you think. It is about how your entire system processes stress, communicates with others, and resets after emotional challenges. And like any system, it gets stronger with consistent practice. 

📊 By the Numbers: The Impact of Emotional Intelligence 

The research is clear. Emotional intelligence is not just helpful — it is often the deciding factor between potential and performance. Whether in leadership, education, or mental health, higher EI consistently leads to better outcomes. 

• 90 percent of top performers at work have high emotional intelligence (TalentSmart, 2023) 
• Individuals with high EI earn an average of $29,000 more per year than their lower-EI peers (Forbes, 2022)   
• Emotional intelligence accounts for 58 percent of performance in all types of jobs  (Forbes, 2022)   
• Students with higher EI show better academic performance, stronger motivation, and improved stress coping  (Frontiers in Psychology, 2021)   
• In romantic relationships, higher emotional intelligence is linked to greater satisfaction, lower conflict, and stronger emotional connection  (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2020)   
• EI reduces anxiety and depression, improves coping during trauma recovery, and enhances long-term resilience  (APA, 2023)   
• Demand for emotional intelligence in the workplace is expected to grow by 26 percent by 2030  (McKinsey & Company, 2021)   

The Tiger Resilience Lens: Emotional Intelligence vs. IQ

IQ may open the door, but emotional intelligence determines how you walk through it. While both forms of intelligence have value, research continues to show that EI plays a deeper role in long-term success, especially in leadership, relationships, and stress resilience. 

Both matter. But when it comes to navigating real-world challenges and creating long-term momentum, emotional intelligence often leads the way. 

💪 Michael’s Training Corner 

How Exercise Builds Emotional Intelligence

Exercise does more than build muscle or burn calories. It reshapes your emotional framework. When you engage in physical activity with consistency and purpose, you're also strengthening your ability to handle stress, regulate emotion, and navigate pressure — all key skills of emotional intelligence. 

Here is what the science is showing: 

• Emotional regulation improves with regular movement, allowing for more control over emotional impulses.   
• Self-efficacy increases, meaning you start to believe in your ability to overcome challenges — which translates directly into stronger emotional confidence.   
• Stress resilience builds, as exercise acts as a buffer between emotional stress and how it impacts your mindset.   
• Heart Rate Variability (HRV) improves, a key indicator of your body’s ability to shift between stress and calm — and a physiological marker of high emotional intelligence.   

• Physical training enhances mental flexibility, allowing you to respond to emotional triggers with more clarity and less reactivity.   

In short, exercise helps your nervous system become more adaptive. Emotional challenges still show up, but you meet them with a steadier, more grounded presence. 

Using Emotional Intelligence to Train Smarter 

Now flip the lens. Emotional intelligence also helps you become a better athlete, lifter, or weekend warrior. It teaches you to train with awareness rather than ego, and that is where real progress comes from. 

The biggest trap I see is emotional impulsivity — jumping programs, chasing novelty, thinking you need something new to get results. But real progress does not come from doing more. It comes from doing better. It comes from refining the same movements with more intention, more control, and more recovery. 

That is what progressive overload is all about. Adding challenge over time, not all at once. Sticking with a plan long enough to let adaptation happen. 

Progressive overload is the structured and intentional process of increasing stress on the body through small, consistent progressions — more weight, more reps, better form, or tighter rest periods — to create long-term physiological change. It is how strength, endurance, and resilience are built. Not by changing everything, but by trusting the process long enough for it to work. 

High emotional intelligence keeps you anchored in that process: 

• It helps you recognize when your restlessness is emotional, not physical.
• It helps you regulate frustration on a plateau instead of abandoning the plan.  
• It keeps you connected to your deeper why, so you do not chase shortcuts or distractions.  
• It allows you to shift intensity or rest when needed, not as a failure, but as feedback.  

Training is not just a physical test. It is an emotional one. If you can regulate emotion in your workouts, you build the exact same skillset you need to handle pressure, conflict, setbacks, and stress everywhere else. 

✍️ Journal Exercise: Strengthening Your Emotional Intelligence 

Emotional intelligence grows through awareness and repetition. These prompts are designed to help you connect with your emotions, reflect on your responses, and practice the skills that make emotional intelligence something you live, not just understand. 

Step 1: Name It 

What emotion showed up most for you this week? Describe the situation that triggered it and how you responded in the moment. 

Step 2: Trace It 

Where did that emotion land in your body? What did you feel physically — tension, heat, stillness, or something else? 

Step 3: Reframe It 

How might you respond differently next time using self-awareness or self-regulation? What would staying grounded look like in that moment? 

Step 4: Build Empathy 

Write about a recent disagreement or misunderstanding. Can you identify what the other person might have been feeling underneath their words or actions? 

Step 5: Choose With Intention 

What is one emotion you want to cultivate more of this week — and one you want to become more mindful of? Set a small daily check-in to track it. 

🛠️ Want more structure to grow your self-awareness and self-esteem? The Awaken the Tiger, Rise Like the Phoenix journal includes weekly prompts, emotional check-ins, and space to track your personal growth over time. 

📘 Grab your copy on Amazon: 

https://www.amazon.com/Awaken-Tiger-Phoenix-build-Esteem/dp/B0DBRWTGS9

 🔥 Final Thoughts: Leading Yourself from the Inside Out 

Emotional intelligence does not remove emotional difficulty. It gives you the tools to navigate it. It teaches you how to pause before reacting, how to stay rooted in your values during conflict, and how to lead yourself when your emotions feel louder than your logic. 

You will still get frustrated. You will still shut down or overthink or feel thrown off. But emotional intelligence is not about never losing balance. It is about learning how to return. To repair. To realign. That is the discipline of resilience. 

And this is exactly where the Five Pillars of Tiger Resilience come alive: 

• Purpose reminds you why you are doing the work — emotionally, physically, and relationally.   
• Planning helps you create structure around your emotional growth, so progress does not depend on how you feel.   
• Practice turns emotional intelligence from a concept into a daily skill through journaling, reflection, and breath.   
• Perseverance keeps you grounded when progress is slow, when emotions are heavy, and when quitting feels easier than facing yourself.   
• Providence invites you to trust the process — to believe that your emotional life is not something to escape, but something that can shape your strength.   

This work is not soft. It is sacred. And it is a kind of strength the world needs more of — grounded, self-led, and deeply human. 

You do not need to become someone else to grow. You need to become more fully aware of who you already are. That is emotional intelligence. And that is the path forward. 

Stay resilient, 

Bernie and Michael

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📚 References 

American Psychological Association. (2023). Emotional intelligence and mental health. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/03/emotional-intelligence-mental-health 

Brackett, M. (2019). Permission to feel: Unlocking the power of emotions to help our kids, ourselves, and our society thrive. Celadon Books. https://www.amazon.com/Permission-Feel-Unlocking-Emotions-Ourselves/dp/1250212847 

Frontiers in Psychology. (2020). The relationship between emotional intelligence and academic performance: A meta-analysis. Frontiers in Psychology. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.01517/full 

Frontiers in Psychology. (2020). The effect of physical exercise on emotional regulation and self-efficacy: A study on adolescents. Frontiers in Psychology. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00967/full 

Healthline. (2022). What is progressive overload? https://www.healthline.com/health/progressive-overload 

McKinsey & Company. (2021). Skill shift: Automation and the future of the workforce. https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/future-of-work/skill-shift-automation-and-the-future-of-the-workforce 

Nature Humanities and Social Sciences Communications. (2024). The moderating effect of exercise on job stress and emotional intelligence. Humanities and Social Sciences Communications, 11(19). https://www.nature.com/articles/s41599-024-03108-z 

Nozaki, Y., & Koyasu, M. (2015). Can we apply emotional intelligence to education? Frontiers in Psychology, 6, 763. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00763/full 

Sánchez-Álvarez, N., Extremera, N., & Fernández-Berrocal, P. (2016). Emotional intelligence and resilience in adolescents: A multivariate approach. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 13(11), 1165. https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/13/11/1165 

Smith, M., & Segal, J. (2023). Emotional intelligence toolkit. HelpGuide.org. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/emotional-intelligence-toolkit.htm 

TalentSmartEQ. (2023). Why you need emotional intelligence to succeed. https://www.talentsmarteq.com/why-you-need-emotional-intelligence-to-succeed 

TalentSmartEQ. (2022). Emotional intelligence can boost your career and save your life. https://www.talentsmarteq.com/emotional-intelligence-can-boost-your-career-and-save-your-life

Tani, F., & Peterson, C. (2022). Emotional intelligence and romantic relationship satisfaction: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Personality and Individual Differences, 187, 111444. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886922002185